Bill Gates’ Excellent Adventure

September 30, 2005 at 5:40 PM | Posted in Humor Me | 1 Comment
For the sake of Context, this was originally published 09/13/04,
shortly after the document -gate thing with Dan Rather concerning
Bush’s Guard service.

Okay, now bear with me, because the concept of time travel is full of
paradoxies and contradictions, not to mention problems with grammar.
That is why it has taken so long for this news story to come to the
forefront, and even so, the details are still unclear. But I am here to
straighten it all out, as best I can.

Gates, at the behest of the evil republicans in the RNC, was tricked
into building a time machine and travelling back in time. They came to
him using a pre-programmed Steve Jobs Clone. The SJC informed him that
Linux was going to merge with Casio, and be in the perfect position to
develop time travel. This new company, Lin-io, would then go back in
time, change the early pc history so that ibm would use the linux
operating system, and thus destroy Microsoft before it’s inception.
Apparanty, they had watched Star Trek: First Contact.
So Bill Gates
is entrusted with a mission, he builds a time machine, and travels back
to the year 1973 with a Dell pc and HP printer. He finds his younger
self, explains the situation, and the young BG helps the old BG make
his way to Darpa, to ensure the use of their technology, and they make
a deal with the government. Some of these names may sound familiar:
George Bush Sr., head of CIA, Gerald Ford, president, and Dick Cheney,
who was serving in some mysterious capacity in the shadow government.
Having secured the deal, bound in blood and witnessed by all, including
Satan, the Old Bill Gates comes back, and the young Bill Gates is left
with his complete agenda. It is a formidable task, but he knows he will
be a quadzillionaire when this is over. Plus, only the winners get to
go back and change things, so he goes over to Linus Tovald’s house and
gives him 12 hits of acid.
The government, meanwhile, has made a
deal that gives them certain assurances also, and some lovely parting
gifts. The Dell pc and HP printer wind up in the Texas office of some
Air National Guard Officer because of a favor owed to him for keeping a
certain young pilot from being drafted.

I hope this clears up any misunderstandings.

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