The Timeless Bliss From The Attic

September 30, 2005 at 5:43 PM | Posted in Personal | 1 Comment
Originally published 09/16/04 at webdisaster.net

One of the fundemental joys of moving is packing stuff up. Implicit
with that is the endless search for wherever your shit might be.
We
currently live in a tiny, tiny house, made of sticks and gingerbread,
on a narrow pathway in the woods. Up in the attic of this cozy little
shack is all of the stuff we didnt have room for but because of
stubborness or some other genetic anamoly we were completely incapable
of getting rid of it. Maybe its the kryptonite near the trash cans.

Today we ventured forth, bravely, planned accordingly, got up early,
and made our teenage son climb up in the attic. In the midst of his
complaints, which fell upon deaf ears (because I am old) I explained to
him that this is one of the reasons that we a) had him and b) kept him.

So he tosses down box after box after box after……
Lots of
empty boxes. I was somewhat releived, but perplexed and possibly in
denial. THE RULE IS, YOU HAVE TO KEEP THE BOX FOR WARRANTY PURPOSES.
When do you imagine the warranty ran out on sound card I bought for a
386. . . ?
I bring down boxes of stuff which my wife lovingly, carefully, and
wistful with nostalgia browses through like it is her own personal
friggin’ yard sale, while I find empty boxes from stereo and pc
equipment which took two trips in my pickup to Dominos dumpster to get
rid of.
It reminded me though, of a lesson I learned about 2
printers back: printers are disposable, like diapers. When it acts
shitty, get another one. I had 4 printer boxes, empty, up there. The
printers were long gone.
Also was boxes containing all of my stuff from karate, and lots of Domino’s Pizza memorabilia. Don’t ask.
But
also alot of stuff that makes you go "Hey, that’s where it is!" and
"Hey, I need to return that!" But also boxes of my books, which I never
had room for. I threw away some boxes of magazines, and that was hard,
but never the books, although I may take some and trade at a used book
store. I still have lots of the paperback science fiction that webd’s
mom (my sister-in-law) gave me, because my brother made her get rid of
it. Otherwise she would still have it. It is hard to part with a book.
But someone told me that I should try to simplify my life and get rid
of unnecessary extra stuff and clear things out and make room and then
I wouldn’t need a bigger house…
And that is when I said BULLSHIT! I
have been getting rid of my stuff for a long time, and this is all that
I have left! I am not getting rid of anymore of my shit! I’m keeping
it, it’s mine! It’s my shit! I want to keep my shit!! I want a bigger
house, just so I have room for my shit! It’s the American way, fuckers!

If I never move again, I will never have to throw anything away, ever again.

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