The Twelve Days of Christmas, Revisited Again.

December 9, 2005 at 11:07 AM | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment
I can’t leave the Christmas thing alone.  Here is an updated version of the song.  Hopefully there will be something here to offend everyone.
On the first day of CHristmas, a lawyer gave to me,
A letter that advising I should remove my christmas tree
On the 2nd day of Christmas the ACLU gave to me,
2 ultimatums 
If I don’t change the name of my tree
On the 3rd day of Christmas the city gave to me
A cerified letter
Advising me of statute
And a notice to remove my tree
On the fourth day of christmas, the jewish league said to me
Yes, we are on your side
We’ll send Jackie Mason
2 help get the word out
Because we support your christmas tree
On the fifth day of christmas, my children’s school said to me,
##No christmas show
For we have to be
Sensitive to those
2 people who might be
Offended that we have a christmas tree
On the sixth day of christmas, the CHristian coalition said to me
We will set up camp here
##Where’s the media?
We’ll call Jerry Fallwell
Here comes Jesse Jackson
We’ll get Bill O’Reilly
To defend you right to a christmas tree
On the 7th day of christmas, my neighbors said to me,
Yes we stand behind you,
No we wont support you
##We dont make waves
4 we have to live
In this community
Just dont show our faces
When the news comes to get a scoop on your tree
On the 8th day of christmas CAIR said to me
It isnt right
For you to celebrate
This is discrimination
##You infidels will burn!
4 all eternity
And we turn to Mecca
2 praise allah
And watch us burn your christmas tree
On the 9th day of christmas the local news said to me
We want an exclusive
Who else have you talked to?
Has this ruined your life?
Face the camera and smile
##Get the money shot
We dont really care
One way or another
This is for the ratings
Stand and smile next to your christmas tree
On the 10th day of christmas, the sheriff said to me
Ten counts against you
9 deputies to arrest you
8 minutes to the courthouse
Where you will be arraigned
6 warnings you’ve been given
##This is not my job
4 I have to agree
That this really is
2 much for me to do
All because you have a christmas tree
On the 11th day of christmas the judges said to me
11 counts against you
10 special witnesses
9 changes of venue
8 cable news stations
7 hundred spectators
6 different juries
##All want you hung
4 not giving in, and in
3 days you get sent away
2 never see the light of day
But first you have to take down the tree
On the 12th day of christmas, my cellmate said to me
12 years I’ve been here
11 years i have left
10 for good behavior
9 people strangled
8 different trials
7 million dollars
6 years in court
##At taxpayers expense
4 a plea bargain
And a reduced sentence
2 be here with you
Serving life for having a christmas tree

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