Happy New Year. Sucker.

January 1, 2006 at 8:06 PM | Posted in Riding In Cars With Pizza | 5 Comments
  I had a great little story to tell you all, a reminder of what kind of a person I am. I have been working I in the steak delivery
restaurant for the last five years or so, roughly. Lots of people in and out, but not as bad as it was at Domino’s.  Still, we hired this one dude, named.. . . .Shit. Josh?
Sounds right. Scott hired him, but he was scheduled to work all nights, so he worked with me. Right away, he tries to play me. We close at 10 pm. He’s is scheduled to close. No, he says, he is scheduled till 10. Haha-ha.
That is completely not the way it works.
Anyone who has worked in a restaurant before knows that when you close, you work until it’s done, not until a preset time and then leave.
“That’s what Scott told me.”
Conveniently, Scott was not there.  “Dude, I doubt it immensely. And if he did say it, he misspoke. But we will, together, clarify this before him so there is no misunderstanding.” He thought he was going to play one of us against the other? What, is he a fucking dysfunctional child?
Sadly, he is in his mid-twenties, married, with a kid. So he was suspiciously not around when I brought it up with Scott, who
laughed, “There’s no way. I told him ‘close,’ not 10.” Just what I thought. This guy just started, and he is trying to manipulate us?
Both Scott and I have been around way to long to a) fall for it, or b) even give a shit.The next nights that I closed with him, he pushed to leave at 10. “Right.Not until you are done, Josh.”
“But Scott said—“
“I asked Scott, and he said he told you exactly what closing entailed.And he said I could call him, at home, right now, if you still misunderstand.”I reached for the phone.  He huffed off, muttering some kind of “whatever, asshole,” under his breath.This guy is not going to be student body president. We reached a similar impasse on Friday, when we closed at 11, not 10. “I was told 10.”
  “The schedule says ‘close.’ We close at 11. This was explained to you.”
“No it wasn’t.”
“I am not responsible for your faulty memory.” Then he tried to pull the old, “But I have plans.I can’t stay.”
“It’s a Friday night, at 10 o’clock. What possible plans could you have that don’t involve something immoral, since you have a wife and baby at home?”
“I have to leave.”
“Right.You are scheduled to close. Anything less would be seen as quitting. Don’t let the screen door hit ya.” I realize that I may have sounded harsh, but usually I am not. The clown continues to push to see what he can get away with, so I have to push back harder, and firmer, leaving no opening for him to slip through, or he will.
Given that background, we now get to the point. It was Friday night, about this time of year. Sunday was New Years’ Eve. As he finished up and was ready to leave, I said, “Alright, dude.See you Tuesday.”
He suddenly looked at me, alarmed.“What? Tuesday?”
“Yeah, Monday is New Years’ Day, so we are closed.”
Then I got to bear witness to an incredible rant. Why close on New Years’ day? Pizza Hut was open, when he worked there.  He
needed the money. WTF? It’s ridiculous! Why can’t we be open? (To accommodate him.) On and on, for a minute or two, at least, but
it seemed endless.
I finally interrupted him:
“Dude!Josh, I’m just kidding man—we’re open.”
Relief across his face.
“Really? Cool. I really need to work. See ya Monday, man .Happy New Year.”  He left.
We were closed on New Years’ Day.
He had a good 20 minute drive to come into work. I still giggle when I think about it. We are a small company, less than a dozen people, never more than five or six at any one time. We were established, friendly, and close-knit.He wanted to come in and change everything to suit him, and was unhappy when he couldn’t.  He quit 2 weeks later, stating he was moving out of state to work with his dad. Trying to save face. But I saw him 6 months later—he didn’t see me. It’s funny to me, because he thinks I’m a dick–and I am. But I am also a mirror, I can’t help it. I will treat you how you treat me, it’s automatic. My real revenge is how he lives his life:  Bitter and unhappy about most things, and blaming everyone else.


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  1. that was funny man.i don\’t know if i met him or not.we are a tight knitted unit,i\’ll agree with that.the google thing worked..imagine that.

  2. Gosh, people are so weird about the time thing – I have worked in so many places where it still feels like the classroom clock is supposed to ring as they watch the clocks and hit the elevator not a minute passed working hours – they are rushing to rush hour traffic -what are they thinking!Got a kick out of your comment I wasn\’t asking about size I was wondering about the suppliments – not anything personal! I\’m pretty straight forward but not that straight forward! hahaI have the book on photoshop and have photoshop etc. that isn\’t the problem but thanks! Sadly the book is like written in "thou shalt nots" that I don\’t understand and mainly I end up just messing around with the cool effects. I do need to read the book though and have just of today – as New Year res. pulled the huge book out again. but as procrastination had it I ended up cleaning! oops. Happy New Year!!!!! -patti

  3. kids and men, omg.oh and men do cry, if you hit them hard enough. Your comment was funny…

  4. Hey Bryan, that was so cruel…but I love it! Sweet Revenge – its the best – especially when they don\’t know where it came from …. but you do! Catch you later! Eileen

  5. caught your comment on my \’"sis\’s" blog and had to check you out… interesting. very interesting. yeah , I like it. I\’ll be back. You are now forewarned.One of those fortune cookie thingys .. well, it was about me, huh? Yeah, I know you have no idea who I am, and you probably didn\’t realize you\’re psychic, but *smack* hit the nail on the head with that one!OkayI\’m outta hereKim

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