Countdown to Ecstacy

March 3, 2006 at 11:01 AM | Posted in Uncategorized | 1 Comment
  Ever watch Futurama?  I love that show.  The professor will come in and say, "Great news, everyone!  You’re all going to die."
  I’ve been meaning to, ever since my mom died two years ago, to get a colonoscopy.  I made the closest thing to a new years’ resolution this year when I said, "Okay, well, I really need to do this."
  My intestines, are, as we speak, reacting to this news with less than what might be refered to as acceptance.  I feel nauseous.  My tummy hurts.
  I just got off the phone from making the appointment for this.  March 27th.  If you saw what I wrote about the skin tags, and also about the lump I found, gentle readers–
  _–And just WHERE the Fuck did that term come from?  Christ in a Pinto.  I’m having a crisis of faith in my body, and you all just CAN’T WAIT to see what happens next.  Gentle reader, my ass.  Cut-throat, bloodthirsty, cannibals, waiting, just waiting for me to experience pain so I can write about it and entertain you?–
  Sorry.  And I dont mean you, Tootsie.  But I might mean Karl.  He is a sadistic prick.  I just mean my audience in general, and I dont even mean that, I think I’m just lashing out in panic.  This is the part about being an adult that kinda sucks.  That and the fact that my knees hurt constantly, and I’m much less likely at this age to nail a hot young college chick now than when I was a hot young college dude.  Looking back, if I would have known then what I know now, I would have enjoyed that a lot more, and probably done even nastier things to the one hot young college chick I was with then.
  Regrets?  I’ve had a few.  More now than before, apparantly.
  But when I actually get it the procedure done, the whole process–?  This should be a fucking riot.  For you.

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  1. relax… they aren\’t that bad. The absolute worst part of it is the crap you have to drink the night before. Really. They knock you out (or at least they did me) and there is no pain. Well, except for the stupid IV… I woke up before they were finished and I was still stoned from the drugs, so I thought it was pretty cool watching it all on the screen. But really, Bry, it sounds worse than it is.

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