What Do You Need That For, Dude?

March 22, 2006 at 9:58 AM | Posted in Uncategorized | 3 Comments
March 22
  I know that women are crazy.  I know that women are crazy about different things.  I know that women are, in particular, crazy about their bodies.
  I’m not going to get into the question as to whether it is society, or if it’s society’s reflection of how women are.  They are self-conscious and self-defaming when it comes to their body and body parts.  Tits are too big, too small, too round, too flat, too perky, not perky.  Ass too round, sticks out, sticks in, shaped funny.  Every possible part, a woman is going to be pathetically self-absorbed and obsessed with the imperfection that lies with that part. 
  Luckily for them, men dont see them that way.  No matter how unattractive a woman feels, a man is going to like them, or that part that the woman doesnt like.  the problem is, the man can’t vocalize that, which is exactly what the woman needs to hear.
  So I just want to tell all of you woman out there:  You look very nice today.  Especially you.  You know who I mean.
  Having said that, how women feel about their whole body, take that to men and focus it on one part.  One part.  THE part.
  Guys could give a shit less how their ass looks.  Or their abs.  Balding?  Yeah, so?  Hairy back?  Damn straight.  Fat?  You betcha.  Look at your–
  Its the only part we’re sensitive about.  In many ways.  So, when I heard yet another story about a woman who cut off her husband’s wa-who, it occurred to me–
  And by the way, when it started with Lorena Bobbitt–did it start with her?  That’s when it first made the news, that’s for sure.  SInce then, other stories, you’ve seen them, of other woman doing it, and in some instances, men doing it to themselves.  What the hell is going on in this world?  Yikes!
  But I heard yet another story, this time in Russia somewhere, the woman cuts off the main guy and the two sidekicks, and then tosses them out.  Who knows if this is actually "justified" or not, not going to get into that question.  My entire point is this:  when I look at the profile of the type of woman likely to do this, I see my wife, and I get a little scared.  I could wake up dickless and bloody one day, and not really know why, or what I did.
  My wife was having a nightmare last night.  She was tossing and turning, and whimpering.  I woke her up, gently.  She yelled at me, "Son-of-a-bitch!" hit me, and stormed out of the bedroom.  I gave her a few minutes, she was in the living room.  Muttering to herself and smoking.  Obviously, the dream had been very real to her.  I tried to comfort her, she wanted nothing from me.  Whatever happened in the dream, it was obviously my fault.  I went back to bed.  When she came back to bed, I was almost asleep.  She half-heartedly put a hand on my shoulder, but she didn’t come to me, and I sure as shit wasn’t going to her.  I am not going to be responsible for shit I do in her dreams.
  But I do know one thing.
  From now on, I am not "forcing" myself on her anymore–
 (And by that I suppose I have to clarify myself.  Not "forcing" myself on her in the typical marital rape sense.  Just, you know, approaching her with my sex appeal turned on full blast.  It’s kind of hard to ignore.  I mean, I am a Sexual force to be reconned with, truly.  When I turn it on, it is hard to ignore.  Women fall for it constantly.  I have to be careful in public.  It can be somewhat of a nuisance.  Seen those "Axe" commmercials?  Yeah, I have to contend with a lot of that, everyday.  That’s what I mean)–
, or even making a suggestion, or any sexual overtures of any sort, anymore.  She doesnt want it, not near as much as I do, and I feel all the time like I’m making her do something she doesnt want to do.  Besides being really good for my fucking ego, I am getting tired of the hurt
feelings (mine) and disgusted looks (hers).  And it is only a matter of time before she takes matters (or a knife) in hand.
  Fuck it.  I’m done.  I may not use it any more, but I want to keep it.  Poor little guy.. ..
  I have a long drive to work, and this morning was longer than usual.  This is what I thought about for an hour and a half.


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  1. Crap! WEll, I doubt the dream had something to do with you and besides it was a dream – maybe ask what the dream was? And according to my friends, who have a sex life!, sometimes they aren\’t in the mood but once things get going, they are in the mood – I think men are always in the mood, though not to sure that "force" would be a good thing (not sure what you are talking about there, bud). Sounds like ya could talk about it at least that could put your mind at ease. Somethin\’ strange happens when the guy suddenly isn\’t making the moves…THAT IS strange and cause for a woman\’s concern and slight aggitiation – that\’s what I think anyway. Nothing worse than wondering why the mover ain\’t movin\’. This will cause confusion and frighteningly the inclination to believe, if one is insecure like myself, that the guy isn\’t interested – in fact – he might be gettin\’ it someplace else – that I think was the reason for some of the women\’s weapon weilding. Talk! TAlk! i\’m sure it will be fine. -patti

  2. lock all sharp objects up and keep the key in a safe place. The commander may not be able to make all the decisions he\’d like, but let\’s make sure he\’s still in the drivers seat when you need him! lol, even if it\’s just for a test drive now and again.

  3. I\’ve given up on approaching my asexual-man-hating-partner-with-a-chip-on-her-shoulder as well.

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