What Fresh Hell Is This?

March 24, 2006 at 7:51 AM | Posted in Personal | 3 Comments
So, yeah, I’m an asshole. I’m over whatever it was that I was mad about. Now I have to take care of my wife. She’s gonna be off her foot for three weeks, off work, too. Although I know I could go back sooner if it was me, she is the type to milk the entire three weeks, and add a couple of days. Oh well. Like I said, I’m over it. Plus I was an ass for how I acted to her. Since this is my narrative, however, I get to gloss over that to make me look like the hero.
Except I don’t feel like one. I feel like a selfish ass. Well, I’m going to have plenty of fucking opportunity to make it up to her, since I have to take care of her for a couple of weeks now.
She called me on the phone the other day, while I’m at work.  I see it on the caller ID, and I know.  I know it’s coming.  I don’t remember how it started, but I remember when she cried.  She said, when I said what I did, it sounded like–I didn’t love her.  And that’s when she said what she said, and I left.
I didn’t mean it like that, I really didn’t.  I don’t think I did.  She plays such a hard ass all the time.  But then she was vulnerable, and she actually needed me.  She doesn’t need me much.  She said she was sorry, but of course I apologized first.
When is it my turn? When is it ever my turn? When does someone take care of me? When do I get mine? Will I ever?
Do I ever?
Fuck it.
I am totally done talking about my life now. I’m going to get back to talking about. . . .my life? Wait–
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3 Comments »

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  1. I\’m sorry but even when you talk about the hard times, I grin – does your wife know about this sense of humor of your\’s I ask myself. I think it would have been hysterical if you had said what you were thinking when she fell…like how\’d ya find the ice??? It could have been comical! I gotta admit when I\’m in pain like your wife, it feels somewhat nice to blame someone, at first and then I do feel terrible about it. Sorry you clarified the other thing, i didn\’t mean that you had too – I knew what you meant, but its the internet and I was the first to comment and I …? well I seem like a moron. That\’s normal for me. alrighty then, well I hope that tomorrow is better. I do love your sense of humor about it all though, I\’m afraid that even when you are serious…well, I love the way you put it. Share your humor with your wife and you can say all this to her – it all could melt into a funny conversation….or a fight. Don\’t listen to me. I\’m a conflict-phobe. I remember sitting at the dinner table listening to the crunching of my food while my parents gave eachother the silent treatment – these days I crack up when they do it and they do actually see the humor…sometimes. -patti

  2. I really love Patti\’s comments. They ring so true. But Patti, are you really a conflict-phobe?
    John

  3. at least apologies were made on both sides.. that\’s a start right?  I know the feeling of when .. when .. when can I ever stop being the total caregiver for everyone and everything.. even just a short break.. to take a breath.. relax.. get my 2nd wind.. alas.. that\’s just not my life right now.. lol  but at least I am alive.. I am making memories everyday.. good and bad.. and the constant expectations put upon me in the end just make me a stronger person.. I guess I can\’t complain about that .. (well I could.. but.. lol) 
     
    Hope all\’s better now..
     
    p.s.  I wanna see a pic of that deer in ur passenger seat.. proof! lol
     
    Hugs,
    ~S4ssy


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