Grape Nuts

March 26, 2006 at 1:12 PM | Posted in Uncategorized | 3 Comments
As per my desire to get on with it, here we go. This is a long article I have been writing over the course of the last week or two. I am just going to give you a little bit at a time, cause I don’t want to bore anyone. I want to discuss my education. It is a long a funny story.
March 7

As I explained to my friend, the Dude, I am on my (hopefully) last semester of school. One class is slightly hard, the other is an intro class that I had accidently passed up a year or two ago, so now I have to take it to graduate.
It’s an intro class, program design and development, which you normally take BEFORE you take any programming language classes, like Visual Basic, or C++, or Java. I’ve had VB, plus a little bit of the other languages as well, enought to be familiar with them. The new concept in college is "groups." You need to be in a group in college. Especially as an adult, scared, out-of-place, needing someone to hold your hand, you need to be in a group of other lost adults for support and guidance. Whatever. I didn’t really want to be in a group, but I found myself in one anyway. Two guys, both of whom have computer experience. One has a consulting company with his wife, I think. The other works for Mastercard in the computer networking department.
So these two clowns, who have experience with computers, totally don’t get programming. They have difficulty finding their asses with both hands and a flowchart.
The one guy, the guy who works for Mastercard, asks a lot of questions in class. But his questions dont make any sense. Since I don’t expect the reader to automatically know anything about computers, I shall explain using this analogy:
The instructor owns a grape orchard. he hires all of us to pick grapes. Some of us ask questions like: How full do you want these bags? You want them to go straight on the truck? When is our break? how much do we get paid?
All questions that make sense.
Jeff is shaking his head, this is going way to fast for him. He doesnt understand. The boss says, "you have a question, Jeff?"
"Yeah, I do." He has his arms up and out, because he wants EVERYTHING to stop so he can catch up. "Let me make sure I understand this properly. Are these grapes always going to be round?"
Yeah, that guy is in my group. He’s worked the orange grove, the apple orchard, the blueberry farm. We get to the grapes, and he’s completely fucking lost. Every day, somebody (usually me) has to wander into the grape orchard and find him, hold out some beef jerkey, and lure him out. He’s six feet tall, the grape vines are four feet high, but he can’t look up to see over them to find his way out. I am working two jobs, have a house and a rental property to look after, not to mention a family, and wife with a broken foot that I now have to care for, and I don’t need the added burden of babysitting a fucking adult who should know better. Call me elitist, I don’t care. I have no patience for stupidity. I sit next to him in class, and my whole body convulses with a groan as he brings the entire class’ progress to a screeching halt to ask a ridiculously obvious question, and then he doesnt even believe the instructor when he gets an answer.  How the HELL can you doubt what you DONT  EVEN understand??  AARRRGGHH!!!
Where is a goddamn grenade launcher when you need one?



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  1. =======>
    lol, that\’s the best I could do to give you a grenade launcher!
    what kind of grapes are they? are they always going to be purple or green? with seeds or without? can I get them without skin? oh… and if I squish them, will I get juice? and if I let the juice ferment long enough will it become alcoholic?
    okay, okay… I had to do it! it\’s that damn little devil sitting on my shoulder, he just won\’t shut up!
    hugs and tugs 

  2. LOL I have several people like that in my Intro to Business class.  Sometimes, I just want to walk up to them and slap them shitless, "you are wasting class time with your stupidity!!"  I didn\’t waste my time and money on gass to listen to their BS questions that pertain to nothing business related!!

  3. LOL!!!! I remember this in grad school – after work ya just want to learn the stuff and go home. We had to meet in groups after class – it was like people all day, phone calls, meetings, blah, blah, then I had to sit with people at 10:30 at night that wanted to "dig deeper into the material" -huh? I felt caged. At one point I just said, "it is what it is!" very brillant huh? I think I would have liked to throw grapes at them at that marvelous point. I told the professor I wasn\’t going to groups and he said, but that is part of the learning process and I said not at 10:30 on a weeknight it ain\’t!!! Wrote a paper instead and suffered stares at the back of my head from my past group! I felt like a third grader on another planet. – best to you! -patti 

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