May 28, 2006 at 1:29 AM | Posted in Riding In Cars With Pizza | 9 Comments
  I was hot.  Hot and wet.  My face was flush, and my heart raced.  My chest heaved as I breathed heavily, in anticipation of the excitement I was soon to participate in.
  The phone rang, and rang again.  I couldn’t get to it, my hands were busy.  My mind was on a hundred things at once.  I hoped no one could see me.
  But they could.  Onlookers, gawkers, stood and watched me, intently, waiting for me to take care of them.  The want in their eyes, the hunger, the obvious desire they had for me to take care of their needs. . . .

  Yeah, it completely sucked.  I worked Saturday night, it was hot as fuck, and although I had anticipated a slow night (Holiday weekend, everybody gone to "the Lake," last years’ reports showed a slow night), I was getting my ass handed to me in chunks.  Fuck me running.  We did twice the sales as last year, and all but 100 dollars of it since 4 o’clock, when I got there.  Summer is officially here in St Louis.  I know every place has interesting weather.  Good for you.  It’s 90 degrees outside, about 125% humidity (that’s right, we have more moisture in the air than it is actually capable of holding), and I am inside a restaurant with two air conditioners, big ones, and it is over 100 degrees in the kitchen where I am cooking.  We have a grill, a pizza oven, a convection oven, a bun toaster, a potato warmer, and a steam table.
  The thermometer on the wall is pegged.  PEGGED.  The sweat is keeping my face clean by allowing the soot from the smoke from the grill to run down my face and into my eyes.  My underwear are completely wet, like I had been swimming in them.  And indeed I had. 
  It’s not this hot in the rest of the store.  The rest of the store is only 85 degrees.  Customers come in and make exceptionally witty remarks about the heat, ask why I dont turn the A/C on, et cetera.  I am in a heat induced fog, which keeps me from killing them and throwing their sorry carcass on the grill.
  "Hot enough for ya?"  Thanks, yeah, I haven’t heard that in over 17 minutes.  You’re a fucking comedian.  Who writes your shit for you, Shakespeare?  Got any more cliches while you’re at it, fuck-face?  If I hear that one more time, I’m going to stab someone in the face with a fucking butterknife.

  When I worked at one particular Domino’s, it was hot like that, but most of them were decent.  You know how shitty it is to handle dough that temp?  It turns to mush.  Cheese fills with water from condensation, and becomes soup.  Pepperoni become slimy little–
  You live through it.  You do what it takes to survive.  Water, ice, ice water, shut off everything you can get away with, bring fans in, wait for the sun to go down.
  But it never does.
  I imagined when I was there that in their high-level meetings, they decided instead of fixing the A/C, it would actually be cheaper to hypnotize everyone into believing it was cool.  Or hypnotize them into believing they were in the Artic Circle.  This could backfire on them, though, because the anger would still be there.  If the supervisor would come in during this to see how it was working, he would see everyone dressed in coats and parkas and gloves, and not sweating.  But angry.  They would harpoon his ass.

  Ever touch anything metal when you are indoors, like a table, or a handle?  It’s cool to the touch, because it’s at room temperature, which is cooler than your body.   I would touch the table, and it would be warm to the touch.  Warm.  Warmer than my body.  It’s not like this yet, but it will be soon.  There are some hit or miss days in June, But July and August I will be working in an oven.  At least I don’t do this full time any more.  This is just part time now. 
  The only thing that keeps me going back in day after day is my extremely short memory.  I had to write this as soon as I got home.  Tomorrow, I will have completely forgotten, and I’ll drive to work completely unaware, happy as a clam with a hard-on, and not until I walk in the door and feel the wall of heat press into me like a large, body-sized pair of tits will it all come back to me, and it’ll start all fucking over again.


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  1. Hey Bry.. is it… ?? never mind
    If I was to tell you that some of us work in air conditioned places and the traffic was so slow that we mostly just danced and joked around our whole shift, would you stab me with a butterknife in the eye? You would? Okay, then I won\’t mention that.
    I\’m looking at my weatherbug right now, it\’s 6:30 EST, and 87 degrees.. summer is here! Supposed to hit the 90s later this week… not too shabby for MI
    lol…. think shade trees, cool drinks, and soft music…
    hugs and stuff

  2. hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
    I don\’t know who was funnier you or Kim
    Gez I thought all the Missery people were here on vacation. I never seen so many Missouri plates since I left there 18 yrs ago. 
    Think tornado season ….you\’ll forget all about the heat
    As always, Mona

  3. Came over to see ya from KIM\’s place….ahhh I think those delivery guys should ask for tips for the people in the kitchen..what a trooper you are to go through that day in and day out..thankless JOB it is. I do my own pizza anymore if we can afford to buy we buy Digornos…havent had one in months..too damn hot here in Mich to think about it right now!  take care………   :  )

  4. ok i am feeling you about your situation. I worked at Pizza Hut in one former life of mine and it was Feb and it was still an oven in there and hey I live in TEMPE AZ where it actually gets up to that 130 degrees and have humidity as well. Check out our summer Monsoons. Hot, rainy and humid. YES.

  5. Hi Bryan,

    Just bitching around, leaving stupid comments.
    First of all… heheheheheheheheheh :”)
    Well I do pity your wet ass 😀 Here is rainy, but warm and we see rainbows. No summer yet.
    I’ve noticed you’re fond of butterknifes… and stabbing? Not that I mind it being thousand miles away.
    If you’re able to compare two such different things as tits and wall of heat, I guess you’re okay.
    Have a nice f…day

  6. that was funny. hope i didn\’t offend you tho it wasn\’t my intention at all.

  7. "not unlike a body sized pair of tits" … I have a few friends that would be envious of that one..hahaha! i\’m glad for my short term memory problems sometimes too!!! – -patti

  8. comment on this entry and I will give you a letter. write ten words beginning with that letter in your journal , including and explanation of what that word means to you and why, and then pass out letters to those that want to play along.
    copy and paste the above to your entry, then choose your words and have fun…
    For you I have chosen the letter…. \’T\’
    have fun with it.. it\’s not as easy as you\’d think… once you think you\’ve got your words picked, you think of another one, lol…

  9. ………still trying to visual a clam with a hard-on…aren\’t they TOTALLY squooshy???
    Ga Summers totally suck too.. humidity is like walking into a sauna the second u step outdoors.. nevermind the fact that my car has no a/c either.. makeup? what makeup? It all melts off my face within 5mins of being outdoors.. *sighhhhhhhhh … lookin\’ forward to

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