Morning Traffic Soliliquy

May 30, 2006 at 9:11 AM | Posted in Personal | 5 Comments
I awake to my alarm
My body is sore and it aches
A hard night’s sleep, just barely
Contained within this sheet
I utter not a word of complaint
For I know it falls on deaf ears
For thusly I have been trained
 
Meanwhile the Storm awakens
"Fuck!" is generally the first word said
And the second, and the third, and so
It goes as we go about our routine
I brush my teeth and hear it again
Should I answer?  Is it directed at me?
What did I do, or not do, or lose,
Or put away wrong, or not take care of,
Have knowledge of, or should have known,
Or leave out, or not finish, or not finish
good enough, or, honestly, in God’s name, what the
Fucking living hell did I not do to your
Goddamn satisfaction this time, honey?
 
The miracles that I perform, on a daily basis
Are not enough to appease her
And yet if I want something, a small thing,
Anything, it’s a tremendous inconvenience to her
It makes me feel as though I am as well
 
Her car is still not running–my fault, I know
Because she tells me so.  Never mind
That I worked on it, with what little time I had
All the holiday weekend
So we played Musical cars for yet another day,
 
…………..And I drive her to work once more
 
We sit in silence in the car, as The Storm winds down
Some follow up questions: did I put the trash out,
Did I lock the door, did I turn off the lights–
Yes dear, yes dear (but weren’t you the last one out?)
I say nothing, I am mute.  My mind goes thousands
of miles per minute, in every direction, but
It is useless to talk at all
 
No radio, no music, because we can’t agree.  Anything
I like she can’t stand, and wonders aloud how I can even–
My tastes and what I like are stupid and inconsequential
So I will give her no satisfaction of choice.
Am I stubborn?  I suppose.  Who made me this way?
The never-ending Storm
 
We ride in silence, nary a word
She asks me a question, I answer with a nod
Traffic flows like my mind, and I have difficulty
Keeping track of where I am, on the road and
In my mind.  But we are close, and then
I let her out and she blows me a half-hearted kiss
"Love you" passes our lips
Just passes-
Just.
 
I turn the radio to where I want, and I drive how
Want and where I want.  I mean, I go to work
But I am in my world now, where I rule what I do,
And make reasonable decisions that aren’t second-guessed
And where people I talk to value what I say, and
Appreciate my input and my friendship, and look to
Me for support and guidance and a laugh to brighten
Their day
Everyone I know looks to me as someone of perpetual good
Cheer, of happy disposition, of pleasant demeanor
And good company
Everyone I know sees that I am always happy, always smiling
Always good natured
And why shouldn’t I be? 
 
Once more, I made it through The Storm
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5 Comments »

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  1. I\’ve been there… and now I make my own weather.
     
    Thank you ever so much for your comment…it was needed.
     
    Smile today.
    Mercy

  2.  
    Wow.
     
    This poem was sad. And really, really good.
     
    Is it just one of those days, or are they all  one of those days?
     
    I hope the Storm passes, in whichever way is best for you — and the Storm.
     
     

  3. yeah Im divorced.

  4. eeks.. and here I was thinkin I should be married by now!
     
    Hopefully that\’s not an EVERYDAY occurance??  sheesh, poor guy.. But yes, you are MUCHO appreciated \’round the blogdom *grins
     
    Hugs n Tickles,
    ~S4ssy

  5. I feel the same way. I\’m going through some tough stuff right now, I want out and he doesn\’t think we have any problems…at all.  Maybe he\’ll realize what kind of problems we have (had) after I leave him.
     
    Try to keep smiling; at least on the inside.


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