Manik Mechanik

July 2, 2006 at 3:46 PM | Posted in Riding In Cars With Pizza | 5 Comments
  I’ve sed b4 that I aint a mekanik.  Butt I doo what I godda do.  u no?  I am axuallee a pretty gud amachure…  It’s kinda like seks.  I aint no pro, but I bin round da blok, yo.
  I have changt an enjin b4, as well as numerus trannies.  (The mekanikle kind, not the trranseksual tipe.  u perverts.)  I will never agin pay to have breaks dun, and most things, as long as they aint inside da enjin, I will tackle with gusto.  Like a bere kommershal.
  So my buddie Nigel, the little forren kar, the won that lost a weel on the innerstate, has been sittin behind the stor at my 2nd job 4 a cupple o weaks.
  I will explane the problem, and hopefullee all u wymin what read me on a reguler bases will unnerstand, and not feal like you is readin a forren langwage.
  The weel fell off bcawz I had titend the nutz 2 tite, so they snaped off. I gess therer iz such a thing az 2 tite.  Whode a thunk? Well, the bolts that snapt off I thaught I culd jest replase.  No such luk.  The stud plate (the peace the bolts r in) cannt b remooved without you open the seeld bearing.  So I haf 2 remove the whole spindle, also called a knuckle, 2cawz you scrape your knuckles alot win u werk on it.
  I go to a junk yard (this is weaks ago, bi the way) and try to remoov won myself.  Its a cast iron bitch.  I thawt alla this stuff was alumminumm.  i give up on that, and go 2 a junk yard were thay remoove the schtuff for you.  I buy a knuckel, and also a rim 4 the tier I knead 2 replase.  (Speekin uv alueminumm.)
  Yesturdae I finellee deaside that i am gonna ficks it 2dae.  So I get my tules and shit 2getha, and drive to there early, cawz its gonna be a hot won 2dae.
  Aftur bout an ower uv dikkin withit, I kall the dood who solt it 2 me, and he aggreez 2 cum an help mea owt.  He brings his power impact whrench and so forth, and makes short order uv gitten it apart.  Thin he leafs, and I’m on my ohn.  I hafta go buy a cuppla tuls, as well as rent a tork whrench.  I drivve aroun and do althat, and den bi da time I git back its noonish, and fukking hot. I finnish taekking the oled won of, an den I poot the knew won on.  I taek a brake whilst the braek rotor sits in the refrijurraeter to kool off,bcawz it sat inda son,and iz 2oo fukking hawt 2 tuch.
Finellee, i get it awl bak 2getha,, an goe 4 a test driev.
I doent git muuch past the parckin lot, its makin noiz.  Shit.  I go and park it.
  I have a spaer tier on it.  so, at least its in frunt with 4 weels insted uv in bak with3 ,  like a homeless drunk.  with 3 weels.  so. . .
  The operashun waz a sukses, butt the pashent died.  I cuntsulted with a few peeple, tho, and the consensus is that, much like all gud things in life, this requires lubricashun.  So, I need to jack it off or jack it up, lick it, or skwurt some oel in it, and c what happenz.
  And that’s ware I set at this poent.  win I gitterdun, aisle let yall no.
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5 Comments »

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  1. ty 4 splainin dis 4 us wymyn foke.. i unnerstude it all
    u fked up
    go figyur
    u 4gotts 4play
    its impotent 4 lots of things
    y am i reedyn dis owt lowd? bcawz i am stooped an neede 2 sownd owt my werdz
     
    you\’re a dork, Bryan. really… loveable, cute… but such a dork.

  2. eek…

  3. MISS ME?!!!
    sooo good to be back!
    sooo totaly miss you!
     
    Aura

  4. What the hell? I can not even understand that even tho thats how I text message on my phone. I will have to come back later and re-read

  5. this is the funniest thing you have ever written.i could not stop laughing! can\’t wait till pt 2, and 3, and maybe 4. bravo bubba!!


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