Everything I Need to Know I learned in Kindergarten

December 17, 2006 at 12:12 AM | Posted in Notes on Society | Leave a comment
I remember when this first came out, it was cute (the original version), and then everyone started to make up their own lame shit, like "Everything I need to know I learned in–" The Lord of the Rings trilogy, or from Star Wars, or from porn, or whatever. But I’ve had some time to reflect, and I realize that the original statement was true, I did learn important things in kindergarten.

I think I just learned different things.. .

Everything
I Need to Know I learned in Kindergarten.

If you look innocent, you can get away with lying.

If some one picks on you and you tell on them, they will
beat you up later.

The rules are different in other places than they are at
home. Remember the difference.

Girls do things differently than boys and no one knows
why.

Kids have nap time so adults can rest.

If you have to share your toys, share ones that you don’t
care about, cause they’ll get broken.

You don’t need an excuse to drink chocolate milk.

Put on a different shirt if you’re going to do something
messy. Otherwise, you’ll get in trouble.

Standing in the corner really sucks.

Getting hurt on the playground is better than sitting at
your desk.

You don’t have to share if no one is watching.

Beating up a girl is more trouble than it’s worth.

Even if other kids have peed their pants, they’ll laugh
at you when you do it.

That strange attraction you have to your teacher will
only intensify as you get older.

Don’t
hit people when other people are looking.

You can get it over with quicker if you just say you’re
sorry, even if you don’t mean it.

Never threaten to have your brother beat somebody up,
because he probably won’t do it. And if
he does, you’ll owe him.

Legos and Lincoln Logs don’t mix.

Your Mommy loves
you, but she has a breaking point. Know
when to stop.

Say it with crayons.

Learning to read and spell is important, because that’s
how grownups keep secrets.

You have to do things at work or at school that you don’t
have to do at home, like leave your clothes on.

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