Have Diaper, WIll Travel

February 7, 2007 at 6:48 PM | Posted in Notes on Society | 1 Comment
  Lisa came to see me, banging on my door at three a.m.  Wearily, I got
up, and I looked through my peephole.  Lisa, looking distraught and
haggard.  I let her in.
  She came and collapsed on my couch.  I got
her a drink of water.  And added some Tang.  She looked at me with
soulful eyes.  "I need him, Glenn.  I need him bad.  I can’t live
without him.  I can’t stand the thought of him being with Colleen."
  "Who, Bill?"
 
She nodded and began to cry again.  I gave her a special heat resistant
tissue.  Sobbing, she told me her story.  Of friendship that turned to
attraction.  Of unrequited love.  A story of heartache and heat shields
and retractable arms.  Solid fuel boosters never seemed so full and
firm and powerful. . .and erect.
  She said, "You have to help me.  You have to help me get him."
  I said slowly, thoughtfully, "Or, get her out of the picture."
  "What?  No–I just need to show him how much I love him–"
 
"The best way to do that is to show him the lengths you are willing to
go to."  It was 3 am, and I do my best thinking when I have been kicked
from a sound, happy sleep.
  "Listen, you go find that bitch, and you tell her to stay away from your man, or you will fuck her up!"
  "What?"  She was bewildered.
 
"Here, take this."  I handed her my BB gun.  She just stared at me. 
"You need to be able to threaten her, without actually hurting her. 
Take this, too."  It was a bag of miscellaneous items I had been
gathering for a B and E.  I was going to show those bastards at the air
and space museum. . .  I went to the garage while she looked through
the items, and came back with some pepper spray while she tried on the
disguise.  "You’ll need this."
  I said, "It’s quite a drive–"
  A plan was starting to form in her mind, she started to smile.  She said to me, "Got any of those space-diapers. . .?"
 
Thusly prepared, I sent her on her way.  She was ready.  She was
confident.  I had her believing she could really do it.  As long as I
could get back to sleep.  I was the first goddamn man on the moon, and
she comes banging on my door at 3 am?  Ditzy bitch.
  I’m an old man, and I need my sleep.  Getting up in another hour.
Advertisements

1 Comment »

RSS feed for comments on this post. TrackBack URI

  1. okay crying here! you crack me up! how are you? I have not been blogging – then blogging and sleeping – ha and have not visited so sorry! But have thought about you and wondered if you had written a book yet – you should you know. I work with people that write and I wish that you were one of the writers that I worked with – however – can only Imagine the trouble you woudl get me in!!! – well I hope that all is going fabulous and that you are well – my best to ya! patti


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Blog at WordPress.com.
Entries and comments feeds.

%d bloggers like this: