Good Times, Bad Times

June 30, 2007 at 1:30 AM | Posted in Journal | 1 Comment
  Whenever I need a title, Zeppelin never lets me down.  we had a family reunion Saturday, and this particular carnage revolves around that. . .
  About a week ago, my granddaughter said she wanted to go with us to the reunion.  My daughter or son couldn’t go, and none of the other grandkids could either.  I suppose I could have asked The Storm if she wanted to go–
  Jessica is 15, the oldest of Mike’s kids, the oldest grandchild.  Last time she went somewhere with us (My dad’s funeral in Mt Vernon, 80 miles away) it somehow got back to The Storm that we smoked in the car (gasp!) and alcohol was consumed (say it aint so!)  Neither of these are things she has never experienced before.  Jessica claims she told her grandma nothing, but it was brought up at the divorce mediation.  However, it held no bearing, really.
  Anyway, she came with us, and brought a friend.  Cheyenne, the same age, I think, or 14.  Cute, sassy little girl.  Quite a tart.  She’s going to be a whore in a few years.  Not being.. . judgmental, really; I just call ’em like I see ’em.  I’ve seen alot of them like her.
  My sister, the one with whom we live, was supposed to go, but someone she worked with died, and even though the funeral service was in the morning and the reunion was in the afternoon, this was apparently too much to fit into her busy schedule.
  My sister, by the way, has invited someone to live with us.  Without saying anything to us until he was already there, she just picked up this guy, a friend of a friend, homeless, jobless, direction-less.  It’s one thing for Detroit to be there:   We had been together for a while already; we are an established couple.  Detroit contributes to the house–more, in fact, than my sister does.
  She just picks up this guy, fucks him a few times, and now he needs a place to stay, so she invites him in, like a goddamn stray.  Or a vampire.
  And that’s what concerns me:  he could be a vampire.  Not a "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" vamp, but a human one.  A young guy, no job-no money-no prospects, sees Judy, older woman, recent inheritance and a place to stay as a meal ticket.  My sister is desperate to be with someone, lets this gonif in the house without running it past us first–the other people who live there–because she knew it was not quite right.

  At the reunion, I get a chance to talk to my brother.  We (me, my brother, my sister) had agreed at the outset that it would be a good idea, this living arrangement.  Now I wonder.  I can’t . . .abandon my sister, she’d end up losing the house, be in a homeless shelter–
  No, that’s not true.  She would find some friend or family member to take her in, while they all cursed my name for letting this happen to her.  She doesn’t want to admit it, but she needs someone to take care of her.
  And I don’t want to lose the house, either.  There is a SIGNIFICANT advantage to not having a house payment.  Forever.  But while my sister thinks it’s an equal partnership, it’s not.  Not by a long shot.  I pay the goddamn bills, I make the fucking rules, I am in charge.
  What does she provide?  The house?  She didn’t provide the house.  Mom and Dad did.  She just happened to be here, like a fucking turtle left in the basement.
  So we are heading for a showdown.  Or at least a talk.  Not sure what to say yet, how to handle it.  I discussed it with my brother, looking for some answers, some guidance, some ideas.  What I got was a heartfelt shrug.. . .He really, really didn’t know what to tell me.
  But we discussed it, as well as his problems.  (–But back to me)  My sister wants to think she’s like Mom.  She is. . . and she isn’t.  Why in the fucking world did she pick Mom’s most negative traits to emulate?  Stupid and ridiculous.
  Stupid, and stubborn about it.  Knows what she knows, and it’s always wrong.  Bad ideas, bad plans. Doesn’t know shit about how things work in the world.  Wants to hold the house over my head, like *She* let me live there.  Christ in a sidecar.  Most of that has.. .blown over.  I think.

  Speaking of Jesus, and how he rolls:  When I discussed all of this with my brother, he did recommend I pray about.  I had some misgivings.  Not about God, about me.  I’ve been away, I’ve fallen from Grace, if indeed I ever resided therein.  I haven’t felt right, felt worthy–of being able to pray.
  My brother is a local leader in the same church I belong to, but in Illinois.  We discussed, and he explained, that even though I am "not living the word," I should never feel like I don’t deserve to at least pray to God, seek advice, seek solace.  Seek comfort.    
  And answers.  It made me feel alot better.
  The most important thing is, Detroit is unhappy with the situation.  It’s really irrelevant how I feel; she’s unhappy, I have to do something about it.  I’m not especially happy either, but I’ve learned to put up with enormous amounts of bullshit (See re: my marriage to the Storm); this is no more an inconvenience than someone leaving a door open, and some flies get in.

  Need to find the right pest strip.



June 19, 2007 at 1:34 AM | Posted in Personal | 2 Comments
  I’m not my father.  Not my mother either, I suppose. . .
  But I’m not my father.  I’m alot like him, and I see myself in him, alot.  I understand him better now.
  My sister was coddled as a child.  And as a teen.  And as a young woman.  And as an approaching-middle-age woman.  My mom and dad both.  They shouldn’t have; it’s not healthy.  But I realize why they did, albeit unknowingly.
  They didn’t want to let their baby go.
  I took my daughter yesterday, for Father’s Day.  We went to the mall, ate, went to the movie, went shopping.  Not exciting in any way, shape or form.  But it was a great day for me.  It made me happy, also, that my daughter seemed to be happy to be with me.
  I’ve talked about my son, Mitchell.  This is Miranda’s turn.
  I see alot of The Storm in Miranda, and it worries me.  I don’t want my daughter to end up like my ex wife, and the inevitability of that squeezes my heart and makes it hard to breath.
  But I do see the good and bad of my ex in her, reminding me that my ex wasn’t all bad.  I know I have painted my ex in a bad light–but look, she had to have *some* redeeming qualities, at one time, or else I was a complete and total idiot for ever being with her.
  My daughter is stubborn.  Incredibly.  I remember when she was a toddler, she would ask for something.  "Can I"  When I would tell her NO, she would ask again, LOUDER.  "CAN I?"  Her voice would get louder and louder, asking.  She does not like to be told no.
  She is gifted and artistic.  She loves to draw.  She likes to write stories, too.  She likes to create.  I see her kraftwerk, guided by her mother’s hand.  She is going to be good at this.
  Like my son, she is very smart.  They have their differences, and I see each one as different sides of a mirror of me.  My son is anti-social to the point of being neurotic; my daughter, meanwhile, is gregarious to the point of being annoying.
  While I believe my son may be smarter, my daughter has an unusually innate sense of *people*.  She has a higher social intelligence.  She knows people, she likes them she is social, she likes to talk to people.  She understands.  Both of my two children are smarter and more world-knowledgeable than I was at their ages.
  My daughter is sweet and affectionate.  She likes to hug, to be friendly.  She cares about people.  I remember two years ago, she was having a problem with a girl in her class who was mean.  Callous and rude, calling her names and picking on her.  Miranda really internalized it, took it personally.  How can anyone not like me? I know she was thinking.
  The teacher and I had discussed this–she knew Miranda was very emotional.  The teacher told Miranda she needed to work on it herself and find a solution.
  She did.  She kept at it, worked with the girl, and eventually they became friends, or at least somewhat friendly.  The other girl was still a bitch, but no longer dumped it all on Miranda.  This from an 8 year old.

  Almost a year ago–July 9th–is when I left my wife.  I had planned that day as THE DAY.  It was a Sunday.  Linda took Miranda across the street to go do some craft thing at a neighbors.  I used that time to pack up my bag, throw some stuff in my truck.  I had a talk with Mitchell about it–it’s hard to read what he is thinking.  He has a wall up.  Always.
  They came back, and I was waiting for the right time.  I was hanging out in the bedroom, hoping for her to come in there, so we could talk, privately.
  Miranda came in to see me.  We talked, we played, we wrestled around like we do–gently, because she’s a girl, with lots of tickling.
  I felt like a heel, playing with her like that, knowing what I was going to do later.  But I also needed it.  I was going to be going away, and I needed "one last–"
  I didn’t want to let my baby go.

  It would never be the same again.   I hope that, when she gets older, at the very least she will understand better my side of it.  Right now, we haven’t talked about it much, her and I.  I know she gets an earful from her mother about how horrible I am,  ranging from snide little asides to full-blown episodes going on at length about the bastard I am.
  And yet she still loves me.  She has that way about her, she knows people. Maybe she sees her mother for who she is, and loves her anyway.  That’s good.  Maybe she sees me for what I am, despite what her mother says.  I hope so.  She is a caring and sensitive child.
  I wonder where she gets that from?

Why I Love My Girlfriend

June 17, 2007 at 10:27 AM | Posted in Personal | 1 Comment
  To Whom it May Concern:

  This is for all of you who know both Linda and I, and have heard only her side of the story about what happened between us.
  From her point of view, things were going fine and then I just up and left her for some floozy I met on the Internet.  I abandon her and the kids.  We could have worked things out if I would have just stuck around and tried to make it work.
  Let me tell you how it really was.
  And "try to work things out"–  Well, it’s not like I never tried. I had given up.  Whenever there was a problem, we worked it out until she got her way.  I was NEVER right.  She always was.  She was always justified.  Every time we "worked it out" I gave up another piece of me.
  I had grown so tired and disgusted with how she treated me that I was ready to leave.  I happened to find someone, and it just happened to be on the Internet, and that gave me the courage to leave, because I wanted to be with someone–I just didn’t want to be with her anymore.
  And how did she treat me?  Every day was a battle to try to please her, and every day I failed.  Nothing I ever did was good enough for her, ever.  Never mind that she expected me to perform miracles for her–and I did–nothing I did was right.  I was supposed to do it *this* certain way, or that.  I was supposed to *really* mean it when I was being romantic.  I was suppose to know, without being told, alot of ridiculous crap.
  I know alot of that is just how men and women are, but she took it to the extreme.  She essentially *demanded* that I do these various things to please her.  By the way, she never worked that hard to please me.  It was enough that she had the vagina, doled out based on her sliding scale of justice.
  She treated me like crap.  Well, I say that, but can I give any examples, specific instances?  In fact, I can, and I’ll do it with a comparison.  After being with my girlfriend almost a year, I have found out what a relationship should–and shouldn’t–be.

1    My girlfriend doesn’t yell at me constantly.  Actually, she doesn’t yell at me at all.  She doesn’t call me names, curse at me, berate me publicly, or humiliate me in front of a crowd.
My wife probably yelled at me several times a week.  Of course, I wasn’t there every day for her to yell at, so she would save it up.

2    My girlfriend doesn’t think that everything I do is wrong and stupid.
My wife felt free to tear down every idea that wasn’t hers.

3    My girlfriend respects me.
I’m sure my wife thinks she respected me, but she had no idea what that actually meant.  She insisted that I respect her, however, but she never gave me the same courtesy.

4    My girlfriend doesn’t demand that I do things for her.  But she may ask, or I may offer, because I want to please her.
I always waited on my wife.  Got her a drink, got her plate.  I always went to the store.  I bought the cigarettes.  After coming home from working all day–and I mean *all* day–and she had been home for about 7 hours, I would *feel obligated* to go to the store for groceries, milk, soda, and cigarettes.  No matter how tired, I was the errand boy.  Always.

5    My girlfriend will do things for me.  Things that I have never had done for me, that I never would have expected.  Little things.  Things that mean alot.  Wait on me?  She said she can’t help it; she’s a nurturer.  I’ve never felt so loved.
My wife was to busy being waited on to do things for me.  Plus, it would show weakness, and it’s important to never show weakness.  Maintain the upper hand, always.

6    My girlfriend cares about my happiness, and wants me to be happy.
My wife was never happy.  So why should anyone else be happy?

7    My girlfriend does not try to control my every action.
My wife’s philosophy is since I am stupid and have no common sense, I needed someone to control me and guide me. 

8    My girlfriend and I can have a conversation about normal things that is not just me listening to her have a bitch-fest.  In fact, we talk all the time about all kinds of normals things, and we each have a wide variety of interests.  We started out our relationship just talking–on line and then on the phone.  It’s nice to me that, even after adding the sex and togetherness, we still talk.
A normal conversation my wife and I would have is where she would bitch and vent about her day.  I would sit and listen.  When I needed to vent a bit, where was she?

9    My girlfriend doesn’t promise me things in the bedroom and never deliver on them.
"I’ll make it up to you–"  What a crock of shit.  We thought we would have a semi-romantic evening, or whatever, and then something would happen.  God knows what.  Maybe she changed her mind.  But she would say that line.  What the hell does it mean?  We’ll have sex again some other time?  Well, if we’re married, I assume that sometime, at some later date, we would again have sex.  And make it up to me?  Like it’s all for me?  This is the special gift she grants unto me, like it’s a golden vagina?

10    My girlfriend will touch me.  She will hold me, she will hug me.  Caress me, rub me.
My wife wouldn’t touch me.  Ever.  Because it would just lead to sex.  I was in a sensory deprivation marriage.  I had to rub her back–hard, and for a long time–every night.  Every night.  Rub it hard, until my hands were sore.  Rub it long, until my arms became weak.  Continue to just rub, until I myself fell asleep from exhaustion.  In return, I think once or twice I may have gotten a "token" rub.  If it wasn’t for her, why would she do it?

11    My girlfriend knows how to behave in social situations, and doesn’t make a scene in public over nothing.
Who else but my wife would get escorted from the school building during a parent/teacher conference?  Who?  Not only that, no matter what happens, serious of trivial–and it was mostly trivial–if I did something she deemed wrong she would yell and curse and berate me.  Loudly and in public.  Because it couldn’t wait.  My wife has no self control.  She couldn’t wait until we got to the car to say, "Look, I wish you wouldn’t do that."  No, it would be loudly and in public.  And often.  She never "picked her battles."  She took them all, each and every one.  It was funny, I was working at the bank in a department with all women, and I tried to keep this quiet, the breakup, because I thought, as women, they would stick together and turn on me.  It turns out, they have had a few brief encounters with my wife over the past year or two:  two company banquets, and a company outing at six flags.  That was all they needed to see the joking/bitching I did about her was mild compared to how she was.  They basically considered me a hapless martyr for putting up with her.

12    My girlfriend doesn’t alienate me from my family and try to keep me from them.
What did my wife say to my niece the night my dad died?  "I hate your family"?  I believe that might say it all.  This is related to the fact that she has no self-control, no manners, and has no idea what comes out of her mouth, she just says it.  But my life with her was always about her family, never mine.  She had a falling out with my mom, and said, well she can’t see my daughter anymore.  Of course they all got over it, but Mom always remembered that my wife tried to use emotional blackmail.

13    My girlfriend is a woman.  She is feminine.  She is a lady, and allows me to be a man.  This doesn’t make her weak, or inferior to me.  It makes her a sweet lady.
My wife is so desperate to maintain control that she can’t be feminine, she sees it as weakness.  She is butch as hell.  I thought I was supposed to be the butch one.  But there can be only one.  Like a slow poison, a time delay, over the years, little by little, she emasculated me.

14    My girlfriend is actually my friend.  And she doesn’t try to keep me from knowing other people or having other friends.
My wife thought we were friends.  Maybe early on we were.  But any other friends I had she was jealous of, and didn’t want me to spend time with, or talk to.  She said they were bad influences on me, like I was a twelve year old. 

15    My girlfriend is happy to see me when I come home.
And I never had that before, so I never realized how important it was to me.

16    My girlfriend and I understand when we each need alone time.
My wife was always home whenever I was.  I was gone alot so she had her alone time.  But she would NEVER leave the goddamn house, not when I was there.  Hell, it was hard to get her out the door in the morning.  Sometimes she would sit in her car for several minutes.  Fuck, just leave already!  If I even suggested that *I* needed some alone time, she would think I was "up to something."  Dad said she didn’t want me to have any fun without her. 

17    My girlfriend will do that certain thing in the bedroom that men really, really like that wives stop doing the minute the ring is on their finger.  She does it and says she likes it, and she does it fairly often.  She does it well.  She does it for me because she knows I like it.  She does it because she loves me.
And it’s not just the specific act, but the meaning that surrounds it.  My wife stopped doing it the minute she became my wife.  Like someone freed her from the bondage of it, she was free, and no longer had to lower herself to that.  I got more of that [certain special thing] from her in the six months before we were married than in the entire 18 years after (and I’ve gotten more in the last year than I did in those 18 years of marriage also.)  And only three times–three times in those eighteen years–did she ever do it to completion.  Once was some fluke that I caught her in the right mood, another time she didn’t know it was going to happen and I surprised her (haha!  Bitch!) and the last one was her desperate attempt to get me back.
That was probably the deciding factor in me leaving.  She did it, claimed she liked, and said she wanted to do it more.  At first I bought it, but then I thought about it.  If that’s the truth, then where the hell was she for the past 18 years?  18 Goddamm Years!  She says she likes it and wants to do it for me, but for the last 18 fucking years, she wouldn’t spit on my dick if it was on fire.
  Then it must have been a lie, a lie to try to get me back with the promise of more.  And how long would that last?  She already owed me 18 years of back-head.  That’s alot to make up for.
And the whole metaphor is there for that as well.  She claimed to love me, but the one thing–the one and only thing–that I really, really wanted, she would never do.  It became the thing.  If I love her, I wouldn’t ask her to do it.  Really?  Before we were married I couldn’t pry your mouth off of it.  But I wouldn’t ask.  Now you don’t want to?  Ever?  If you love *me*, maybe you would do it once in a while, just to make me happy, like the thousands of things I did to make her happy.
Apparently, my happiness wasn’t that important to her.

18    I feel romantic about my girlfriend without being forced to, without being prodded, without being asked, "What are you thinking about?"
My wife always wanted to me to be romantic and wax nostalgic about our past and how we got together.  She really had to pry it out of me, which made me wonder if there was anything like that there at all inside me.  I found out there was, just not for her.  "What are you thinking about?"  Well, what if I answer wrong?  What am I supposed to be thinking about?  Is my brain supposed to be consumed constantly with thoughts of you?  Can’t I think about aardvarks once in awhile?

19    My girlfriend has a sense of humor.  I am the funny one, of course.  But I can say something funny and she will respond with a comeback, not just be a passive receptor of my humor.  She is funny and smart in her own right.  She actually makes me laugh–On occasion.
My wife had no sense of humor.  Oh, she thought she did.  Everyone thinks they do.  Most are wrong.  You alone are not the judge of whether you have a sense of humor.  Someone else bestows that upon you.  My wife’s line:  "You’re not as funny as you think you are."  Yes, yes I am.  I am exactly as funny as I think I am. 
And you’re not.

20     My girlfriend and I share common interest, common goals.  We talked about what we want, and how we’re gonna get there.  We share similar interest and are like-minded in the style of things we choose.
This was the thing my wife and I used to have.  Did she change or I?  I don’t know, but we grew apart.  Anything I wanted, she thought was stupid.  And what she wanted?  Hell, I had NO IDEA what she wanted. 

How Much More–

June 12, 2007 at 10:26 PM | Posted in Personal | 2 Comments
  –Can One Man Take?
  "What’s going on, man?"
  "Nothin.  You?"
  "Not much."
  "So, what’s up with that divorce and all that?"
  "Oh.  Well, my lawyer just called this morning.  We were just waiting on Linda to sign the papers.  She okayed it, initially.  But she still wants maintenance."
  "You mean ‘alimony’?"
  "Yeah.  Her lawyer is all apologetic, explains to her what will most likely happen if it goes to trial, and she just flies into a rage."
  "Classic ‘Storm.’"
  "Exactly.  I could cave on this, and pay her, but I’ve already given her everything."
  "Fuckin aye, dude.  You have to draw a line in the sand.  Across this line you do not–"
  "I’m betting her own lawyer even realizes what a nutbag she is, now."
  "So you think it’s going to go to trial?"
  "I think it might.  A painful, drawn-out process, and she wants to make it longer, more painful, more drawn-out.  All because she refuses to give even an inch.  She wants it all, and doesn’t want to give anything.  I’m the only bad guy, and she is fully justified in everything she does."
  "This is what being right gets her."
  "You said it."
  "Other than that little thing, though, things are cool?"
  "Yeah.  Well, my sister sold the three-wheel motorcycle that my dad had.  But the title is not quite right on all of this, and there’s some bullshit to deal with there."
  "What do you mean?"
  "My dad bought it last year, but never actually titled it.  That should have made it easier, but the idiot who sold it to him signed it as ‘Power of Attorney’–over his dad or something.  Now I need to find the guy and get proof from him that he had power of attorney."
  "Yeah.  And the woman who bought it–You know I hate stupid people.  She fuckin talks slowly, like I can’t understand–because she doesn’t.  She has a whiny thing in her voice like she’s in pain –and maybe she is, but what do you want, sympathy?  Not from me.  She said if we don’t fix this she wants her money back."
  "Yeah.  This is my sister’s deal, but it became my problem.  So now I have to take care of it.  Like everything else.  God, just hearing that woman’s voice pisses me off.  Makes me not want to do anything, but I have to."
  "Bummer, dude.  It’s just like my brother–"
  "So I’m caught up on my bills, but I have no money.  We bought my son a car, and I find out it’s a lemon.  I have it in my driveway, I need to work on it and I don’t want to, because I see it as an exercise in futility.  It’ll just break down again.  He had to have a car, he had to have this one–and we got screwed.  Three grand for this POS that I’ll probably have to put a motor in."
  "I know.  So, my brother gave me a big hassle over–"
  "I still need to straighten out the legal stuff with Dad and his insurance and the house and so forth.  And I can’t have anything in my name until after the divorce is done.  My sister is all paranoid about it.  I tried to tell her nothing will happen until the divorce is final, but she’s alot like Mom, paranoid about getting caught doing something–"
  "I know.  My sister-in-law does–"
  "And to top it all off, my rentor is trying to low ball me on my rental house.  I need to sell it, and I may barely get out of it what I owe on it.  Part of the divorce settlement is that I get that house, and I’m not gonna get shit for it."
  "Drag.  So anyway, my brother is funny about the–"
  "Yeah.  But back to me.  She gets all the equity in the big house, over 60 grand, which was paid for with the little house, I get the little house and it’s not worth jack squat."
  "Are you done yet?  Cause I was gonna–"
  "Your run is up dude.  You need to go."

Crime And Punishment

June 6, 2007 at 12:53 AM | Posted in Journal | Leave a comment

  On KIHT-FM 96.3 in St Louis, a guy called in while the morning DJ was discussing home security.  They had an impromptu interview with him, and occasionally they repeat it, because it is good.  I heard it again this morning, and this is what I remember from it.
The guy works as a security consultant.  His experience?  Over a ten year period he broke into more than 3000 homes.
Basically, there is nothing you can do to stop a pro from breaking into your home.  This was his MO:
 He and his partner had a van with removable magnetic signs on the side.  They could be an electrical co, plumber, HVAC contractor, or whatever. 
  There is a device you can buy on the internet, an electric lock pick, which will allow you to unlock most locks in a matter of seconds.  They would go in during the day, and be out quickly.  Master bedroom first, where jewelry usually is.  Electronics used to be big, back in the day.
  But what about deterrents?

Alarms:  most are set up through phone lines.  Even if it’s set to go off when the line is cut?  Simply cut the line, go around the corner, and wait.
Dogs:  bring hamburger with sleeping pills in it.  Often they would steal the dogs too, as there was a market for them.
Locks:  doors and locks can be jimmied.  Even deadbolts.  Besides, most people who have deadbolts don’t use them.  Push on a door and it will give most of the time.  Unless it’s a brick house, because there is no "give" there.
  They always went to middle-class neighborhoods.  In poor neighborhoods, they’ll shoot you, an in rich neighborhoods, they have more security, as in people, coming around. 
  The actual best deterrents are big, open windows that you can see inside the house, and nosy neighbors, like housewives or retirees.
  The Bottom line is, he says, if they want in, they are getting in.  The most you will do is slow them down.  But he is a pro.  Makes you worry a bit.  The best hope you have is that 90% of most break-ins are actually done by your neighbor’s kid, who is a clumsy amateur.  So what does he do, the burglar-turned-consultant, to protect himself?
"I just carry really good insurance.  It’s all you can do."  If you mark your possessions, like etch them, that’s good to–Makes them hard to sell.

  I heard this just this morning on the radio.  Then, when I get to work, Scott, my boss at the restaurant, called me.  It’s not even 8:30–there’s no reason for him to be there that early.
  The restaurant had been broken into.
  I don’t know if someone called him, or if he discovered it on arrival.  He told me someone threw an outdoor potted plant from the nearby Mexican Restaurant through the window, and then opened the safe.  With the combination.  Hmmm. . . who is on the very short list of people who knew the combination?
  Scott.  Me.  Matt.  And Scotty.  Matt is the punk who works there now, and Scotty is the punk who worked there before Matt. 
  Matt is a complete idiot.  Eighteen and stupid, but he needs the job.  Scotty walked in a quit one day because the stress of coming into work conflicted with his desire to drink and do drugs constantly.  He moved here from Colorado to avoid warrants.
  Like they would even arrest him.  I mean, come on!  Colorado?  You don’t get arrested in Colorado.  You get smacked on the wrist, then they give you a chocolate Yoo-Hoo and you get to take a nap, then go home.  They might even breast-feed you.
  So he quits, and Matt takes over.  But Matt gets kicked out of his mom’s house. . .and moves in with Scotty.  When Matt left yesterday, he said he was going to move out of Scotty’s and move back in with his mom.  Matt said Scotty is immature and a pathological liar. 
  I looked right at him, wanting desperately to point out the obvious similarity of the pot calling the kettle African-American, but I knew it would just be lost on him.  I just let it go because it would erupt into a conversation that would be long and draining and ridiculous.
  Both he and Scotty have lives that are out of control, but I think it less likely that it was Matt.  It sounds like something a drug-addled retard would do:  Break the glass, then open the safe with the combination.  Way to narrow the field, idiot.
  This is the same logic that would cause someone to break into a restaurant after a Monday night–the slowest night of the week.  Moron.
  We did about 700 dollars last night. A little over 150 in credit cards, and the deposit had about 250 in checks.  So there was about 300 in cash.  woooo—big haul.
  Scotty is a big suspect–motive, opportunity, lifestyle, past history.  But how do you prove it?
  Scott called me back.  He said the cops told him–after he told them his likely suspects–that they had picked up Scotty last night, about 230am at the car wash just across the street.  The cops said he was whacked out, and acting nervous–and they took him home.
  I’m sure they could search and find drugs and so forth in his trailer–drugs bought with that money.  It sounds like a case to me. 

To Be Fair–

June 2, 2007 at 10:49 AM | Posted in Political | 2 Comments
  I’m about to get political on you.  I’ve written many things that I thought would be offensive to many people, but it turns out I never really touched on politics.  This should offend lots of people.  You’re welcome.
  Liberals want to bring back the "fairness doctrine" because they can’t compete in the free market.  They say it’s for everyone, but since they are in complete denial about the media slant, it doesn’t apply to their interest.  Right wing radio has to show the other point of view because they are right wing media, and they all agree.  But the left wing media doesn’t have to show the other side, because they aren’t left wing.  They are "fair" and they are "responsible," and they are "representative of a cross-section of America."  The TRUTH IS, Wall Street Journal and talk radio are on the right, and EVERY OTHER media outlet is on the left, and the left media can’t stand that that the right has a voice at all.  Call me a liar.  If you disagree, it proves my point.
  Like Henry Ford said, "You can have any color car you want, as long as it is black."  In the same way, the Liberals say, "You can have any point of view you want, as long as it liberal."
  Of course, some people believe that the traditional media isn’t liberal, because it isn’t liberal ENOUGH.  Not until the newspapers are printed in red ink, I suppose.
  Seriously.  Any half-assed, maudlin attempt the old news media makes to appear fair, just so they have a token to point to, the extreme left wing liberals point at it and scream:  SEE!  SEE HOW RIGHT-WINGED AND BIASED THEY ARE?  SEE!  To the liberal, the only "Fair and Balanced" reporting is to constantly, unceasingly, unendingly bash the President, conservatives,  and all they stand for.  Anything else simply wouldn’t be truthful.  Obviously, nothing he has ever done, said, or thought has ever been right.  He is, of course, immensely stupid and evil.
  The truth is, most people on the right can see, understand, and somewhat respect *some* of the views on the left, or at least concede they have a right to that view, no matter how skewed and bizarre it may be.  Meanwhile, the leftists and liberals shout down, scream down–and in many cases, beat down–any view that is not their own.  Either you agree with them or you are wrong, and you are stupid for believing anything else.  There is no room for discussion.
  This is an interesting thing I noticed, the not too subtle creation of a different reality.  Anyone on the right who has an opinion is "stupid."  Or "Dumb."  Or "a Moron.  An Idiot."
  This has probably happened way into the past as well, but with our media in recent history it can be traced directly to Ronald Reagan.  Ronald Reagan was not stupid, or incompetent.  But he was painted as such by the liberals in an effort to discredit him.  The typical liberal lie that was lapped up by the media is that he was a puppet, controlled by behind-the-scenes masters, Orwellian conspirators.  For the liberals, the socialists, it is difficult to believe that EVERYONE doesn’t OF COURSE see the world logically, as they do, so it is incomprehensible that they could lose an election.  Instead of the very obvious fact that people feel differently, it always has to be something sinister, like election-stealing and ballot-stuffing.  I mean, how else could conservatives win?  After all we did to destroy their message in the media?
  The same was done to Bush 41, as well as his VP, Dan Quayle.  I bought into all of it, too, at the time.  I was young; now I regret it.  Poor Dan Quayle.  I am pretty sure anyone who had accomplished what he has is no lightweight.  Que sera sera.  But I see it as obvious now when the media does it to George W.  He has a moral compass, he believes in God, he believes in right and wrong, he believes in his values, therefore he must be an idiot.  The carefully chosen soundbites, the hand-picked photos are all part of the nexus the media has created to make sure the President is shown in a "less-than-flattering" manner.  This was never done with Bill Clinton.  It was never done with Carter, and it should have been.  And George is obviously controlled by Dick Cheney, the grand puppet master, head of the secret government, ruler of all conspiracies and ultimately, your fate.  Republicans are either stupid or evil, or both, and yet Democrats never are.  Hmmm.
  Bill Clinton, despite his dirty dealings (White Water, various illegal dealings, ALL the women, et cetera) was always painted as a charming "rascal."  I was so indoctrinated by the media that I even liked the guy, despite his. . . shortcomings.
  Back to the news.  Even news that is supposed to be straight reporting is so filled with buzz words and propaganda that it is impossible to make a fair judgment.  It is carefully crafted so that news takes on the flavor or op-ed in a very subtle manner. 
  Case in point is Fox News.  Fox news tries to be fair and balanced, and that has become a joke among the left wing news media–i.e., ALL the rest of them.  Fox attempt to show both sides.  To the liberal media, there is no "both" sides, just THEIR side, so any attempt to show the other side is obviously right-wing propaganda.  Because there is nothing on the right that can be correct.  Ever.  And you are stupid for believing that there is.  That is there stance.
  Fox News has both liberal and conservative commentators.  The liberals are dismissed as "soft."  I guess Hugo Chavez wasn’t available? 
  The far left liberals–socialists, actually–do they believe this is a bad country?  Most of them are heavily invested in conspiracy theories.  Anything that looks like the government is doing something down and dirty under the table is far more believable than the outlandish idea that people want to kill them just because of their religion.  That concept is so bizarre, so alien to them, that socialists and liberals have no way of processing that information. 
  In their mind, their enlightened view, all mankind wants to live in peace and harmony, and it is the evil capitalist (the United States) that is keeping that from happening.  Never mind that we’ve given more aid to any and every country on the planet than any OTHER country on the planet.
  Never mind the fact that despite the view of the world, we are not an imperialist nation, taking over countries left and right, like the Europeans did centuries ago, and we have helped every country we ever gone to war with (Germany?  Japan, anyone?  No one remember?)
  Never mind the fact that the Muslim Jihadists, the extremists, have declared war on us, have told us WHY they have declared war on us, and that reason has nothing to do with our so-called "imperialism," but rather their faith and their belief and the idea that Israel must be destroyed and we support Israel therefore we must be destroyed, plus we are infidels because we are not Muslim–
  Never mind that. 
  Never mind the fact that even though all these other countries, as a matter of policy, routinely rape, kill, mutilate, starve, and otherwise impoverish their own people–the United States is actually the inhumane country because we coddle suspected terrorists in a detention facility at Guantanamo Bay, bending over backwards to be culturally sensitive to these murderous thugs, under the careful scrutiny of a liberal media that is just dying to catch us not being super-sensitive of their *needs* and understanding of their *cultural identity.*  Whatever.
  Never mind that in the Middle East they control the oil, and if we were really how they think we are, we would nuke them, or air strike them, destroy them–all of them–and walk in and take the oil.  By the way, we haven’t taken the oil in Iraq.  Did anyone notice that?  Anyone?
  That picture is painted of us, around the world.  Part of it is our own news media, helping.  Our country is the big boy on the block, and no matter what we do, we are going to be perceived as the bully.  We need to be taken down a notch, down to their level.
  Well, you know what?  If there is going to be a country that is bigger and more powerful than the rest, it is best for the world that it is the United States.  How about if China was the most powerful?  Or North Korea?  How about Venezuala?  How about Germany?  Remember how well Germany did when they ran the show?  Do you REALLY want Iran to be the most powerful nation on the planet?  Do you?  Anyone but the US, huh?  Because we are "evil," and "oppressive," and not "enlightened."  They will believe anything the president of Iran says when he is lying straight to their face, and not believe ANYTHING from our government.
  Everyone wants to be number one, no one wants to be number two, or three, or last.  Well, too bad.  If you suck, that’s what happens to you.  Losers.
  When I was younger, I voted Democrat.  Not because it’s what I believed, but because it was what I was told.  Only since my mid-thirties,  for the 2000 election, did I start to vote Republican.  Of course, I still believe in an individual’s right to believe what he wants, and I don’t begrudge the Democratic party one iota.  I don’t hold some pie-in-the-sky vision that my side is perfect; far from it.  (However, I believe the libs do.  They stand by their people no matter how wrong they are.  They don’t have to be right, they just have to be left.)  I just feel that the Republican party more closely aligns with my views and feelings. 
  And the views and feelings of Liberals are more closely aligned with socialism.  And communism.  While I don’t think we need to fear our country becoming communist, the truth is that we are much closer to being "The Socialist Republic of the United Balkanized States."  That is what *they* want.
  What is the role of government, honestly?  What is the role of *your* government?
  To take care of you?  Is that what you said, you, there in the back?  "To take care of you"?
  I remember this from junior high and high school, government class.  I always got A’s.  I memorized the Bill of Rights, and all the rest of the amendments.
  Let’s see now. . . "We the people–"  that’s us, you and me.  That’s the part that makes this a republic.  Continue.  "In order to form a more perfect union–"  Hmmm.  This goes right into the purpose of our government.  "More perfect," not "the most perfect."  Because that. . . is beyond our grasp.  But we want the best we can make.  Right?  Right?  "Establish justice–"  In a society, any society, there is going to be conflict and the need for resolution between parties.  This is pretty standard.  "–Ensure domestic tranquility–"  And now I’m singing that song in my head from Schoolhouse Rock. . . This is a tough one.  What does it mean?  Peace. . . at home?  Okay, I’ll buy that.  Peace in our homeland, peace in your house.  These are good goals.  Not always possible, but for the most part, we’ve done it.  "Domestic tranquility–"?  Does that mean social programs to make things better for you and your family?  Does it?  Or is it more along the lines of what the Founding Fathers thought, which was "Less Government interference in how we live our lives equals more peace within the home.  Hmmm.  "–Provide for the common defense–"  Well, this is self-explanatory.  An army, and a big one.  Defense spending, training, tanks, guns, ships, and submarines.  And helicopters.  Can’t argue with that.  Although, some peaceniks believe, contrary to all actual evidence, if we just give up all of our guns and armies and war machines, everyone else in the world will just magically fall in line and everyone will live in peace and harmony.  I’d like to buy the world a Coke, myself, but the reality is– this isn’t going to happen.  "Promote the general welfare, and–"  See?  The song keeps coming back. 
  But the point of that one, versus the previous one, is this:  Provide defense, promote welfare.  Not "provide welfare" also.  The difference is not subtle.  The difference is the difference between capitalism and socialism.  If you "provide" welfare, you are doing just that:  taking care of everyone, cradle to grave entitlements, much like most of Europe with their crumbling economies.  If you "promote" welfare–promote the well-being–you are fostering an environment where people can live and work and take care of themselves.  Allowing people to make a living, earn their own money, own their own property.  In short, capitalism.  Well, what the hell is wrong with capitalism, anyway?  The poor schmuck who can’t make it on his own, the stupid, the illiterate, the weak, the pathetic, the losers–they are not apart of this system.  Well, they should be taken care of, or at least gotten out of the damn way.  And we do that.  But pretending that these people, these dregs of society, are equal to the bread winners, the makers and shapers, the *achievers*–Is completely wrong.
  There are people that are not as good as me.  Losers, lazy people, drug addicts, whores, people too stupid to pay their bills, ignorant white (and black) (and hispanic) trash.  Am I elitist?  Maybe.
  And there are people who are better than me.  Business owners, giants of industry, smart people, creative people, good people, moral people.  People born into wealth, or born with amazing genius, or talent, or physical ability.  Hard-working and dedicated.  I know my place.  I’m not at the top, no way, no how.  But I’ll be goddamned if I’m at the bottom.  I’ll be goddamned–
  And the people at the bottom–ankle-biters, whiners and complainers, all of them–are looking for someone to blame for their predicament.  They may actually believe it, that it’s someone else’s fault, "if only–" and crap like that.  Whatever gets them through the night, I suppose.  But we have the largest middle-class in the world, people who would normally be lower class.  Even our lower class is better off than the lower class anywhere else in the world.  So don’t bitch because EVERYONE isn’t middle class.  SOMEBODY has to be at the bottom.  Be glad that we have what we have, and shut the fuck up.
  To continue:
  "Secure the blessings of liberty to ourselves and our posterity–"  Wow.  This one is a loaded harpoon, waiting to go off.  "Secure the blessings of liberty"?  Secure?  What does that mean?  And what, exactly, is liberty?  Really, I mean.
lib·er·ty  [lib-er-tee] –noun, plural -ties.
freedom from control, interference, obligation, restriction, hampering conditions, etc.; power or right of doing, thinking, speaking, etc., according to choice.  
  . . .So. . .in essence, in plain language, "Do what it takes to ensure we all have freedom and the ability to enjoy that freedom, and take into account the future, so our progeny can enjoy those same freedoms."  Wow, what a mouthful.
  "Ensure freedom."  Well, this is where the ACLU comes in.  They have done so much for our freedom.  Bravely going against the grain, pushing against all things both popular and logical, getting "rights" for the littlest, the dirtiest, the most damned, the most heinous, the smallest groups among us, at the expense of the majority and what they want.  What heroes they are.
  Wake up call, idiots.  The ACLU was founded by a deep red communist, and if you look up the communist party goals from 1963, you will see they nicely align with the ACLU’s vision.  And freedom is nowhere a part of that vision.
  Ensure freedom. . .  With freedom, with rights–and freedom is a right–with freedom comes responsibility.  Without it, you have anarchy.  Then only a few people have rights, and the rest live in fear.  Therein lies the balance.  You can’t have COMPLETE freedom, because then you would have no responsibility.  The converse is the same:  If you are saddled with all responsibility, then you have no freedom.  See?  Balance is necessary.  One person, or group of people, can’t have complete freedom that hinders the freedom of others.
  That is why giving freedom to one group over another takes freedom from the other group.  Take racial quotas.  Giving preference to one group takes away from the other.  Making up for the past?  The past is over, that’s why it’s called the past.  Time to move on, join us in the present.
  Freedom of the press?  Freedom, sure.  Pornography?  What about responsibility?  By the way, important note here, idiots:  The spirit of freedom of the press had to do with political commentary, and was never meant to protect smut and filth.  It should be kept away from the eyes of children, and it is obvious self-policing doesn’t work.  Look, I’m not going to be a hypocrite and say I never look at.  But it has it’s place, and doesn’t need to be openly displayed and lauded about.  Show some sense and, if possible, decency.  Quit pushing to have your wares openly displayed on every street corner, in every house.  Just knock it off, already.  There is a time and a place for these things.  Our TV and Movies are already too far gone to–
  You’re already going to hell; quit trying to take us with you.
  Freedom of religion, oh boy.  Separation of church and state.  Yeah, buddy.  If you’re anti-religious to start, like the ACLU, then you approach the whole argument that ANYTHING WHATSOEVER that mentions God, or Jesus, or Religion, or Church, or a supreme being, or anything else that will make you wet your pants in displeasure is inherently wrong, evil, and highly suspect.
  Well, I have news for you idiots.  Most people in this country DO NOT feel the way you do, and again, you are in the MINORITY.  In theory, the majority should rule. We should be sensitive to your wish to be a heathen and burn in hell if you so desire, but we shouldn’t have to bend over backwards for you by eliminating everything we hold dear from the public square for fear it might hurt your delicate little feelings.  You should know, either by growing up in this country or moving here from elsewhere that we are a mostly Christian nation.  You’ve come to expect it, or should.
  Are your delicate little feelings hurt because the all the currency says, "In God We Trust"?  Too bad.  The majority still wants it on there.  You know, I don’t like how we drive on the right side of the road, I think we should drive on the left.  It kind of hurts my feelings.  I think we should change EVERYTHING based solely on how the minority (me) feels about it.  I think I’ll start a lost cause.
  Do you not like that elected officials swear on a Bible?  Wow.  Sucks to be you.  Oh, oh!  Are you Michael Newdow, famous atheist sorehead, and feel that all religious expression everywhere should be eliminated from everything?  And then you run for a local office and blame religion as the reason no one will vote for you?  Get a clue, dumbass.  The reason is simple:  People want to elect someone who has similar beliefs and values; that’s the whole point.  If no one will vote for you, it’s because they don’t share your beliefs, and, in this case, because you’re an ass-clown.
  People much smarter than you have believed in God, dickhead.  Like me.  Oh, yes, I quite handily place myself in the group of people that is smarter than you.  Until you can prove otherwise, dude. . .
  I have an idea.  I tell you what, try this as an experiment, let me know how it goes:  Move to someplace like the Sudan, or Iran, Saudi Arabia.  Demand that your "rights" be respected about religion, and that all reference to Allah be taken from the public square, the law books, the media, everything.  Because they offend YOU.  Let me know how that goes for you.  Jackoff.
  The whole point is that the rights of the majority need to be respected as well, not pushed aside for fear of "offending* some one.  One of the rights that should be in the constitution, and in fact, I am in favor of starting a grassroots campaign to get a referendum for a new Amendment:  You have the right to be offended.  In fact, expect it.
  You know, I’m not quite sure how it would be worded.  I’ll work on that.
  But this is about freedom.  We have the freedom to believe as we wish.  Having "In God We Trust" on our money doesn’t hinder him in any way, shape or form from believing what he wants.  His desire to take it away from the majority is an effort on his part to hinder OUR freedom, solely based on the fact that it is there, and he wants it gone.

  So where does that leave us?  There are some people who want this country to be a radically different place?  Why?  That’s a good question.  A really good one.  Most people LIKE this country the way it is–the values, the culture, the overall sense of community.  But the people that want to change it, that have an agenda to change it–what is their goal, their angle?
  They feel that we are not a good country?  Based on what?  On other countries’ feelings?  Or based on the fact that we have a system based on essentially a Christian philosophy, that there is a right and there is a wrong?  That is slowly, steadily being swept under the rug.  Whatever they are doing, it’s working.  We are not the same country we were fifty years ago.
  And whenever someone says that, they immediately jump to "Oh!  You want to return to segregation and no civil rights for blacks, and Jim Crow laws, and the KKK and lynch mobs!"
  Christ, what a leap.  No.  That’s not what I want.  Of course that did happen, but you make it sound like that was all that was going on, every day, all the time.  And what about now, with an epidemic of black on black crime, an epidemic of unwed black mothers, an epidemic of poverty in black neighborhoods, and high death rate, high dropout rate, and rampant drug use?  Exponential increase in violence, and the new factor of more and more youth committing violent acts?  Drugs, pedophilia?  What about that?  In fifty years, are you going to look back on this time of "hope and equality," and ignore that?
  First and foremost, I am not saying we were better off with the lynchings and the discrimination.  Let’s be clear:  One did not cause the other.  The causes are too wide and varied to be traced to one culprit.  (I guess I have to spell this out, because many will read this and interpret it in their own way, trying to get the worst possible read from it.  I do not mean that the social ills of today’s minorities are the direct result of the civil rights movement.  If you try to say that I am saying that, you are wrong, you are a liar, and you are dishonest, and probably a communist, because here I am, right here, saying no, that is not what I am saying.)
  But we look at the past with rose colored glasses.  The Leave-it-to-Beaver world of the late 50’s and early 60’s, the middle America, suburban to rural life.  I’d like to see some statistics, I really would, on how many people live in the big cities versus how many live in. . . everywhere else.  The United States is not "Friends," not "Seinfeld," not  "90210," not "NYPD Blue."  Maybe it is–in minute amounts.  But more of America is "Andy Griffith."  Even Mary Tyler Moore’s Minniapolis was better.  Even today.

  Do you want to raise your children in Mayberry or Melrose Place?  Is that a fair assessment?  Is that what you want your country to be? NYPD Blue?  Is that what you want your life to be like?  Honestly?  Like Dallas?  Dynasty?  Exciting to watch, but not to live.
  How about the perfect societies in Europe?  Free and open–  Christ in a sidecar.  You know, I just realized what Europe is:  Europe is The United States’ lazy, shiftless brother-in-law.  Out of work, won’t look for work, expects a handout, and then get surly when the US says we can get them a job.  Europe has been sleeping on our couch for 50 years, eating our food, trying to date our cousin, and they can’t get up off their ass once in a while and cut the grass.
  They lay around the house all day, which we paid for, watching Oprah on our big screen TV and our cable–again, which we paid for, and wonder why we get uptight when they come stumbling in late at night, drunk from partying with the money we gave them, and try to get in bed with our wife.  Who is *their* sister, by the way.  They have no idea why we consider them a bad influence and don’t want them picking up our daughter from school.  "Why do you have to work all the time?  Why can’t you just come and party with us?  See how free and easy life can be?"
  "Well, I’d love to, but I can’t.  Since you aren’t working and you aren’t paying the bills, someone has to or we’ll get evicted."  But they never see the bills coming in, they only see how grand their free and easy lifestyle is, and how we should be more like them.
  What do you really want America to be like?  The Utopia that Karl Marx described?  The problem with all of these visions is that you have to get everyone behind it, and there are going to be the leaders who benefit, and the sweaty masses who fall numbly in line.
  But no one ever sees themselves as the sweaty masses.  Trust me:  you are.  The socialists don’t want equality for everyone, they want Control.  Control over your life.  The freedom *they* give you.  The healthcare *they* provide for you.  The jobs *they* have prepared for you.  You have the freedom to do whatever they want you to do.  All you have to give them is everything you make, and they’ll take care of the rest.  Fair is fair, right?  You trust them, right?  They are the government after all, right?
  These freedoms the socialists fight for on your behalf, freedom of religion, free speech–are really just ways to get rid of inconveniences, like religion and, ironically, free speech.  Which brings us full circle back to the Fairness Doctrine.  It’s so much like 1984 that it’s frightening.  Words mean the exact opposite of what you think they mean.  Like Political correctness.  This will be our doom.  "Fairness."  Smother opposing views in the interest of being "fair."
  How is that?  How, exactly, is the "Fairness Doctrine" not fair?  I don’t understand–
  You can draw a corollary with the Fairness Doctrine and racial quotas. . .even though there is a stronger case for quotas, because the purpose is to make up for past transgressions.  The Fairness Doctrine is like a quota:
  There needs to be time given to opposing views, because that’s "Only fair." 
  It’s not so much like a quota as it is like this:  You start a business in competition with me, but eventually you go under.  The law says I have to make space on my shelves and sell your wares for you.  It’s only fair.  Isn’t it?
  Right wing radio has listeners, advertisers, revenue.  Left wing radio tried, with much fanfair, financial backing, revenue, free publicity.  It fell flat on its face.  So now–since they went out of business, they want the right wing media to subsidize their message?  It’s only fair.
  It’s really hard to say that with a straight face; I wonder how they manage.

  PS–Any comments anyone leaves cursing me out, calling me names, casting aspersions on my character–They prove my point.  The left, the liberals, the socialists don’t want any dissent.  And they sure as shit don’t want to hear the truth.

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