Why I Love My Girlfriend

June 17, 2007 at 10:27 AM | Posted in Personal | 1 Comment
  To Whom it May Concern:

  This is for all of you who know both Linda and I, and have heard only her side of the story about what happened between us.
  From her point of view, things were going fine and then I just up and left her for some floozy I met on the Internet.  I abandon her and the kids.  We could have worked things out if I would have just stuck around and tried to make it work.
  Let me tell you how it really was.
  And "try to work things out"–  Well, it’s not like I never tried. I had given up.  Whenever there was a problem, we worked it out until she got her way.  I was NEVER right.  She always was.  She was always justified.  Every time we "worked it out" I gave up another piece of me.
  I had grown so tired and disgusted with how she treated me that I was ready to leave.  I happened to find someone, and it just happened to be on the Internet, and that gave me the courage to leave, because I wanted to be with someone–I just didn’t want to be with her anymore.
  And how did she treat me?  Every day was a battle to try to please her, and every day I failed.  Nothing I ever did was good enough for her, ever.  Never mind that she expected me to perform miracles for her–and I did–nothing I did was right.  I was supposed to do it *this* certain way, or that.  I was supposed to *really* mean it when I was being romantic.  I was suppose to know, without being told, alot of ridiculous crap.
  I know alot of that is just how men and women are, but she took it to the extreme.  She essentially *demanded* that I do these various things to please her.  By the way, she never worked that hard to please me.  It was enough that she had the vagina, doled out based on her sliding scale of justice.
  She treated me like crap.  Well, I say that, but can I give any examples, specific instances?  In fact, I can, and I’ll do it with a comparison.  After being with my girlfriend almost a year, I have found out what a relationship should–and shouldn’t–be.

1    My girlfriend doesn’t yell at me constantly.  Actually, she doesn’t yell at me at all.  She doesn’t call me names, curse at me, berate me publicly, or humiliate me in front of a crowd.
My wife probably yelled at me several times a week.  Of course, I wasn’t there every day for her to yell at, so she would save it up.

2    My girlfriend doesn’t think that everything I do is wrong and stupid.
My wife felt free to tear down every idea that wasn’t hers.

3    My girlfriend respects me.
I’m sure my wife thinks she respected me, but she had no idea what that actually meant.  She insisted that I respect her, however, but she never gave me the same courtesy.

4    My girlfriend doesn’t demand that I do things for her.  But she may ask, or I may offer, because I want to please her.
I always waited on my wife.  Got her a drink, got her plate.  I always went to the store.  I bought the cigarettes.  After coming home from working all day–and I mean *all* day–and she had been home for about 7 hours, I would *feel obligated* to go to the store for groceries, milk, soda, and cigarettes.  No matter how tired, I was the errand boy.  Always.

5    My girlfriend will do things for me.  Things that I have never had done for me, that I never would have expected.  Little things.  Things that mean alot.  Wait on me?  She said she can’t help it; she’s a nurturer.  I’ve never felt so loved.
My wife was to busy being waited on to do things for me.  Plus, it would show weakness, and it’s important to never show weakness.  Maintain the upper hand, always.

6    My girlfriend cares about my happiness, and wants me to be happy.
My wife was never happy.  So why should anyone else be happy?

7    My girlfriend does not try to control my every action.
My wife’s philosophy is since I am stupid and have no common sense, I needed someone to control me and guide me. 

8    My girlfriend and I can have a conversation about normal things that is not just me listening to her have a bitch-fest.  In fact, we talk all the time about all kinds of normals things, and we each have a wide variety of interests.  We started out our relationship just talking–on line and then on the phone.  It’s nice to me that, even after adding the sex and togetherness, we still talk.
A normal conversation my wife and I would have is where she would bitch and vent about her day.  I would sit and listen.  When I needed to vent a bit, where was she?

9    My girlfriend doesn’t promise me things in the bedroom and never deliver on them.
"I’ll make it up to you–"  What a crock of shit.  We thought we would have a semi-romantic evening, or whatever, and then something would happen.  God knows what.  Maybe she changed her mind.  But she would say that line.  What the hell does it mean?  We’ll have sex again some other time?  Well, if we’re married, I assume that sometime, at some later date, we would again have sex.  And make it up to me?  Like it’s all for me?  This is the special gift she grants unto me, like it’s a golden vagina?

10    My girlfriend will touch me.  She will hold me, she will hug me.  Caress me, rub me.
My wife wouldn’t touch me.  Ever.  Because it would just lead to sex.  I was in a sensory deprivation marriage.  I had to rub her back–hard, and for a long time–every night.  Every night.  Rub it hard, until my hands were sore.  Rub it long, until my arms became weak.  Continue to just rub, until I myself fell asleep from exhaustion.  In return, I think once or twice I may have gotten a "token" rub.  If it wasn’t for her, why would she do it?

11    My girlfriend knows how to behave in social situations, and doesn’t make a scene in public over nothing.
Who else but my wife would get escorted from the school building during a parent/teacher conference?  Who?  Not only that, no matter what happens, serious of trivial–and it was mostly trivial–if I did something she deemed wrong she would yell and curse and berate me.  Loudly and in public.  Because it couldn’t wait.  My wife has no self control.  She couldn’t wait until we got to the car to say, "Look, I wish you wouldn’t do that."  No, it would be loudly and in public.  And often.  She never "picked her battles."  She took them all, each and every one.  It was funny, I was working at the bank in a department with all women, and I tried to keep this quiet, the breakup, because I thought, as women, they would stick together and turn on me.  It turns out, they have had a few brief encounters with my wife over the past year or two:  two company banquets, and a company outing at six flags.  That was all they needed to see the joking/bitching I did about her was mild compared to how she was.  They basically considered me a hapless martyr for putting up with her.

12    My girlfriend doesn’t alienate me from my family and try to keep me from them.
What did my wife say to my niece the night my dad died?  "I hate your family"?  I believe that might say it all.  This is related to the fact that she has no self-control, no manners, and has no idea what comes out of her mouth, she just says it.  But my life with her was always about her family, never mine.  She had a falling out with my mom, and said, well she can’t see my daughter anymore.  Of course they all got over it, but Mom always remembered that my wife tried to use emotional blackmail.

13    My girlfriend is a woman.  She is feminine.  She is a lady, and allows me to be a man.  This doesn’t make her weak, or inferior to me.  It makes her a sweet lady.
My wife is so desperate to maintain control that she can’t be feminine, she sees it as weakness.  She is butch as hell.  I thought I was supposed to be the butch one.  But there can be only one.  Like a slow poison, a time delay, over the years, little by little, she emasculated me.

14    My girlfriend is actually my friend.  And she doesn’t try to keep me from knowing other people or having other friends.
My wife thought we were friends.  Maybe early on we were.  But any other friends I had she was jealous of, and didn’t want me to spend time with, or talk to.  She said they were bad influences on me, like I was a twelve year old. 

15    My girlfriend is happy to see me when I come home.
And I never had that before, so I never realized how important it was to me.

16    My girlfriend and I understand when we each need alone time.
My wife was always home whenever I was.  I was gone alot so she had her alone time.  But she would NEVER leave the goddamn house, not when I was there.  Hell, it was hard to get her out the door in the morning.  Sometimes she would sit in her car for several minutes.  Fuck, just leave already!  If I even suggested that *I* needed some alone time, she would think I was "up to something."  Dad said she didn’t want me to have any fun without her. 

17    My girlfriend will do that certain thing in the bedroom that men really, really like that wives stop doing the minute the ring is on their finger.  She does it and says she likes it, and she does it fairly often.  She does it well.  She does it for me because she knows I like it.  She does it because she loves me.
And it’s not just the specific act, but the meaning that surrounds it.  My wife stopped doing it the minute she became my wife.  Like someone freed her from the bondage of it, she was free, and no longer had to lower herself to that.  I got more of that [certain special thing] from her in the six months before we were married than in the entire 18 years after (and I’ve gotten more in the last year than I did in those 18 years of marriage also.)  And only three times–three times in those eighteen years–did she ever do it to completion.  Once was some fluke that I caught her in the right mood, another time she didn’t know it was going to happen and I surprised her (haha!  Bitch!) and the last one was her desperate attempt to get me back.
That was probably the deciding factor in me leaving.  She did it, claimed she liked, and said she wanted to do it more.  At first I bought it, but then I thought about it.  If that’s the truth, then where the hell was she for the past 18 years?  18 Goddamm Years!  She says she likes it and wants to do it for me, but for the last 18 fucking years, she wouldn’t spit on my dick if it was on fire.
  Then it must have been a lie, a lie to try to get me back with the promise of more.  And how long would that last?  She already owed me 18 years of back-head.  That’s alot to make up for.
And the whole metaphor is there for that as well.  She claimed to love me, but the one thing–the one and only thing–that I really, really wanted, she would never do.  It became the thing.  If I love her, I wouldn’t ask her to do it.  Really?  Before we were married I couldn’t pry your mouth off of it.  But I wouldn’t ask.  Now you don’t want to?  Ever?  If you love *me*, maybe you would do it once in a while, just to make me happy, like the thousands of things I did to make her happy.
Apparently, my happiness wasn’t that important to her.

18    I feel romantic about my girlfriend without being forced to, without being prodded, without being asked, "What are you thinking about?"
My wife always wanted to me to be romantic and wax nostalgic about our past and how we got together.  She really had to pry it out of me, which made me wonder if there was anything like that there at all inside me.  I found out there was, just not for her.  "What are you thinking about?"  Well, what if I answer wrong?  What am I supposed to be thinking about?  Is my brain supposed to be consumed constantly with thoughts of you?  Can’t I think about aardvarks once in awhile?

19    My girlfriend has a sense of humor.  I am the funny one, of course.  But I can say something funny and she will respond with a comeback, not just be a passive receptor of my humor.  She is funny and smart in her own right.  She actually makes me laugh–On occasion.
My wife had no sense of humor.  Oh, she thought she did.  Everyone thinks they do.  Most are wrong.  You alone are not the judge of whether you have a sense of humor.  Someone else bestows that upon you.  My wife’s line:  "You’re not as funny as you think you are."  Yes, yes I am.  I am exactly as funny as I think I am. 
And you’re not.

20     My girlfriend and I share common interest, common goals.  We talked about what we want, and how we’re gonna get there.  We share similar interest and are like-minded in the style of things we choose.
This was the thing my wife and I used to have.  Did she change or I?  I don’t know, but we grew apart.  Anything I wanted, she thought was stupid.  And what she wanted?  Hell, I had NO IDEA what she wanted. 


1 Comment »

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  1. There will always be people who think you are the sc*mbag for leaving.
    Just like I was for leaving my husband.
    He wasn\’t a violent drunk with mental problems that I put up with for 20 years.
    I left because I was a whore who wanted to party and I stole $5,000+ off of him when I did leave.
    Thats what his family and friends believe.
    I left him almost 19 years ago, so I haven\’t given a damn what anyone thinks for a long time now.
    I just know I did the smart thing. I gave myself a chance to have a life, without pain, anger or fear.
    Just like you did.
    I wanted to let you know, I am thinking of you on this Fathers Day. ~Hugs

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