It Never Rains. . .

July 19, 2007 at 10:47 PM | Posted in Personal | 6 Comments
  It never rains in Missouri.  Man, it pours.

  I guess I’ve been neglecting my blog a bit.  For a couple of reasons, okay?  First of all, I’ve been freakin busy.  Secondly, I don’t think anyone except Rita has been reading it.  I need more attention than that, people.

  If you read Kim’s blog, and I’m sure you do, you know about what’s going on, mostly.  Let me give you my perspective.  First of all, I would only wish what I’m going through on a couple of people.  It might be more politically correct to say I wouldn’t wish it on anyone, but I’m not feeling that loving, caring, or generous.  There are still some people I hate.
  Let’s start with the car.  My son bought a car, it had a problem, I’ve been working on it.  I have it all put back together finally, after a month (when do I fucking have time to fucking work on a fucking car?).  But, yeah, it doesn’t work.  Hopefully the neighbor, who is a mechanic, can solve this.
  As a consequence, I gave my son my truck to use, so we are down to one car.  Not much of a problem with Kim not working.  But it will be.
  My rentor–who I had thought was a friend–moved out of my rental property with no notice, owing three months rent, and had some utilities shut off on her for not paying.  Will I get my money?  Doubt it.  Will I pursue it?  Doubt it even more.
  Then my sister comes to me and demands that I leave.  She wants ME to move out.  I moved in to help her out.  After much discussion, and an intervention by our brother, I agreed.  I had actually already agreed, because I won’t stay where I’m not wanted.  She thinks we’ve made up, but we really haven’t.  We’ve only made peace.
  They have appeased me, somewhat, with another deal.  But the fact remains that we moved ONCE already because of her, and now we’re moving AGAIN because of her.  She says, well, you didn’t have to move in the first time.  Well, yeah, we did.  It’s what Dad wanted.  He knew you were incompetent.  He knew that you were a teenager in a 40 year old body, immature, lazy, and irresponsible.  And not the sharpest crayon in the box by any measure.
  Detroit did all the work, when we moved in.  My dad was getting old, and not caring much about cleaning.  My sister has always been a slob, and it got worse with no one to tell her she might want to fucking pick up after herself once in a while.  The house was trashed, it was a disaster.  Oh, not piled high with clothes and trash–at least not the main floor–but everything was dirty, and there was stuff that should have been thrown out 20 years ago.
  But the basement, where my sister lived–hid out–what have you, was a complete disaster.  Dishes with old food and trash, piled high.  It stank.  Plus, assorted trash, garbage and junk all over, and a path to walk through to her room, which was more of the same.
  Kim cleaned the upstairs, decorated it with our stuff, and my sister had her cliche to lament to her friends, like she’s writing a script for the fucking Lifetime Channel:  "I feel like a stranger in my own home!"
  Whatever, idiot.  It had to be done, you were supposed to help.  Instead you hid in the basement, got high, slept all the time, and didn’t lift a goddamn finger.  Then three months later, when you emerge from hibernation, you’re shocked that the world has moved on without you?  Stupid.
  The original fight that started this was only two days after I thought we had things all worked out.  So, she was just–what?  She has never had anyone tell her what to do.  She lived at home, did what she wanted, no pressure to grow up, so she didn’t.  Then we come along and want to impose a little order, like:
  Don’t play your music so fucking loud at 2am.
  Don’t talk so fucking loud on your phone ON SPEAKER at 2am.
  Don’t invite someone to live with you (and us) without checking with us first.

  These and other things.  She’s just childish and rude, and she has always gotten her way.  Seems she’s getting her way again.
  And that pisses Detroit off.  She’s seen me get walked over by my wife, and now, by my sister.  But I have a different view.  First of all, my family.  They know what she is doing to me.  By the same token, anything I do to her, they would know about as well.
  My parents provided a house for my brother.  Later, they bought one for me also.  Now it’s her turn.  Kim sees my sister as having done nothing to earn it. . .
  But neither did we.  She did less than nothing, of course.  For the past 20 years she has been waiting for someone to give her the chance to prove herself, not realizing that you just have to go out and do it.  Dimwit.
  So the law would look at it one way, where she and I are the sole blood heirs, and would split the estate.  But it is common knowledge within the family that she was supposed to be provided a house.  My whole reason for moving in was so she wouldn’t fuck it up.
  But she got herself a boyfriend, and she talked to all of oher friends, and now she thinks she can live the sitcom single life.  She thinks it’s going to be like Friends.  Whatever.  Like I said, they made a deal that almost appeases me, so I’m going to take it, and if it pans out, I’ll be fine.  She can have the house, sink or swim.
  The hell of it is, it’s paid for, so it’s going to be hard for her to sink, you know?  But I have confidence in her.  I know she’ll drop to the bottom, like an anchor.
  Much as I want to, I can’t abandon her completely.  Detroit wants me to.  I can’t.  Call it family obligation, or whatever.  We have a tie.  We’ve been through the death of our parents, and it’s rough.  We’re never going to be close, I’m never going to trust her with or for anything.  She has no idea, she just doesn’t get that she did me wrong.  She is too fucking stupid and stubborn to think or admit that she screwed me over.
  Blame it on my forgiving nature, or call me a sucker, whatever.  Our family is alot like a mob family.  In fact, we have ties. . .But it’s a double edged sword.  They see what she has done, but they will also see what I do to her, how I treat her in return.  I will have to be civil. . .but there is going to be some cold distance between us for a long, long time.
  If you prefer, try to think of it as this–I’m taking the high road, just to be an ass.  No one is a bigger ass than the self-righteous.

  On a brighter note, at least, Kim’s son Alex has come down to live with us.  I know you may be wondering how I feel about it.  I’ll tell you how it feels.  It kills me that I can’t have my kids with me.  I miss my son, I miss my daughter.  I can’t wait to get the visitation part of the divorce, and see my daughter a bit more.  It breaks my heart, I feel like someone dropped a cinder block on it.  It hurts–
  And I know it hurt her to not have her son here.  They were very close, they are very close.  With all that we are going through, I hope that this gives her some happiness, some hope for the future, because she’s going through so much right now.
  And I like him.  He’s a good kid.  Smart, friendly, sensitive.  He likes alot of the same stuff my son does–I wonder if they would become friends.  I want to take care of him.  It would help the gaping hole in my heart, I guess?  I don’t know.

  But I can handle it.  I can handle my own pain.  My own family, my own crap.  My own stress.  My own legal, financial, and other difficulties.  My own heartache.  I can handle mine.
  I just want Kim’s to be better.  I think it will be soon.



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  1. man brian you sure have alot going on.  My heart goes out to you.  I think alot of you for keeping your cool with your sis.  It is obvious you love her, even though you dont agree with her.   You trully seem  to be in love with kim.  Once this all passes and your settled in your new place, things will be so much better.    There is an old saying that i try to live by…"Its better to be kind then right".  Not easy to do sometimes.  As far as us folks not commenting on your blog, well i think we are just at a loss for words to say to   Dont stop blogging.  The more i read your blogs, the more i like you. :o) lol  I just wish you would put pics of some of the people you blog about… i would love to see this Kim and especially a pic of "the storm"       You have a big heart.   God did good when he made you.
    ~Brians fan~

  2. I\’m glad to hear your side of it.
    You did all you could for your sister, she kicked you in the balls.
    I have a brother that lived with me on and off for years. He is
    sorta like your sister. 55 and is like a 17 year old.
     I was moving down south, he lived with me then.
    He was getting my apartment (2 months rent paid, bills paid) my furniture..everything
    but my personal items. There was a glitch and it looked like I couldn\’t leave
    for another year. He was silent for a long time then very grudgely is that a word.., said I could stay (IN MY APARTMENT).
    It was like a kick in tha ba…er ass.
    He was in a rush to get his girlfriend to move it.
    Well, I did leave on time (thankgoodness) and he lasted exactly 2 months before
    he got thrown out.
    I still love him, I still talk with him, but I will never forget how he treated me.
    His pleasures were more important then my feelings.
    I know how you feel about not having your children with you.
    I miss my grandchildren, when I go to a fair with my nephew..
    I so wish I was showing my grandkids the fun house or the rides…
    But we survive.
    Good luck with the house you will be moving into, it really is the best thing that could happen right now.

  3. Hmm. Seems like it\’s raining all over the WORLD!
    You get 70 applicants?? Over here we have this lovely system whereby if a girl of 17 has a baby, she will immediately be given a flat or a house, and the benefits system here is so up its own arse that if she chooses to work UP TO but no more than 16 hours a week at minimum wage, she will be financially better off than a couple with two children working 116 hours at or about minimum wage between them. If she chooses not to work, she is still much better off than most people who work.
      So you can guess the calibre of most job applicants for shop work. Most of them (but not all) are too dumb to play the benefits system. And the government employs people to help claimants. But if you\’re one of those silly people who think that it\’s good for the soul and the dignity to actually want to earn your own keep, you are on your own. The lunatics have indeed taken over the asylum. Here endeth todays bitter and twisted rant.
    best wishes to you,

  4. I love you.And for the record, it isn\’t your sister getting the house that bugs me as much as it is the big chunk of change she got and decided to keep "because she didn\’t get a house, so she deserves to keep it all." It\’s that she\’s getting a house AND the money for a house. As for the kids… keep in mind that in just over ten months I only saw my son for about seven days, most of that during Christmas break…. nearly six months without seeing him AT ALL. So I know how you feel. I know how it hurts.Things will get better. I promise.

  5.  wow your fan left you a nice message. im so sorry you are both going through all this shit. I\’m feeling you man. If you want to know whats been going on with me, either check out my spaces or hit up my myspace through kim (of course it\’s blocked). Leave comments if you come by either place.

  6.  BRAVO to you and KIM both for being able to cope through all this crap that has come down on you both I do believe it.. it will get better.. you have to get through the tough and bad to get to the good.  SHE WILL GET HERS.. definitely!!
    :  )

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