Don’t Taze Me, Bro–

September 22, 2007 at 12:09 PM | Posted in Personal | Leave a comment
  I like my job.  I really do.  I mean, I don’t like it alot, I don’t love it.  I like it.
  I like the hours–bankers hours, paid holidays, more PTO than a white man should have.
  I like the environment–in an office, hot and cold running babes.
  I like the pay–I probably make four bucks an hour more than what I’m worth.
  I like the other benefits–401k, matching, stock plan, company parties, free coffee….
  And I don’t want to lose my job.  I find this out a little late, I guess.  I work in the banking industry, specifically in the mortgage arena, and we have seen a downturn in the market.  It didn’t dawn on me when I first took this position that it is seasonal.  But yeah, it is.  People generally try to buy in the summer, and move before school starts.
  I see my job as the bottom rung in terms of importance to the big picture.  What I do can most easily be described as data entry.  I take the loan documents and scan them into the computer, so that people can access the information anywhere.  An electronic file system.
  Kim, my friend who got me the job, says the job is important, because they don’t want to go back to paper filing.  Before, if someone needed a file, it would take three people working full time three days to find it.  And that was just a few years ago–four, I think.  Right before the system was implemented.
  So there is that.  But a memo was just handed down, explaining that, essentially, they would be looking for excuses to get rid of people, so watch your ass.  Now when I see the big boss on the floor, I feel like he’s trolling….

  There have been a few occasions where I was stressed out over my job.  The time with the belligerent employee, for one.  And the time when I was alone on the floor, and not getting much done, and wondering if everyone forgot about me.  Made me really wonder if I had any value…?
  And so, I have become just another employee, just another drone.  Arrggh.  For better or worse, I fit in.  Ugh.  And I fear losing it.  But how much do I fear it?
  Well, I like the hours and benefits.
  If I got fired, I’d have to get another job with benefits.  Not sure if I could get the hours…So that would suck.  What would happen to my blossoming comedy career?
  Would I end up as a restaurant manager again?  I guess that is my nightmare.
  Or something else entirely?  Uh.. that might be scarier.  I don’t want to lose the house.  I don’t even need to make alot of money, really, but I need to make *decent* money.
  It’s always about the dough, now, i’n’t?  My friend Kim is driven by a desire to succeed, and while she is not overly materialistic, she measures success in dollars.
  But she does have success in that she has five great kids, doing well and raising them right.
  I’ve never been "success"-oriented, or money oriented, although I feel I am more materialistic than her.  When I think of the things I want, they are mostly things–tangible, material things.
  I don’t know.  It’s not like I don’t know what I want.. . .I just wonder now if what I want is the right thing.

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