With Death Comes Promise

October 12, 2007 at 9:15 PM | Posted in Personal | Leave a comment
I felt compelled to revisit this, a poem I wrote last year.  My life was so different then.  I think.. . … I think I may have gotten my wish, mostly.

It’s not here yet,
But that smell is in the air.
I look to the sky–
and to the trees for a hint of it.
The Summer and the heat,
The mistakes I made–
They all kill me
From the inside out.

But soon, very soon:
I am hopeful that
The smell of Autumn
Will arrive on fairy wings
A fleeting first taste,
then gone, like so much of my life
But soon to return with gusto
With a certainty, with formality
A Finality that doesn’t last
Has Autumn always been so full of irony?

With death comes promise
and what is Autumn, but death?
Not the one we fear, but
The one we look forward to.
The change in seasons,
like so many cliches, has meaning.
Embedded, I yearn for the Fall,
And for this time to pass

Better or worse will be determined;
But not by me.  Only different,
And that’s all that matters.
Different from this, different.
New.  Change, excitement.
Tell me, is that what I seek,
Or something different? 
Different from the different?

I want the pain to be gone
The pain I feel, and 
The pain I have caused.
I want a new beginning, a do-over.
Remold the clay, rebuild the Legos.
Reshuffle the deck. Renew my life.
I want the time to be past,
and all that I have been through
Will be a spate of memories
This is what Autumn means to me
My timely rebirth.

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