The Cluttered Life

November 17, 2007 at 10:44 AM | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

A Retraction..
I used to be slob.  Of course, now I’m a slob in recovery.  I used to be a packrat.  I still am.  I gave up so much.  Everything.  I gave up everything I owned, everything I ever had, all stake and claim to any and all possessions, save the very few I could get into my truck as I  drove away, leaving my wife and children and house behind me in a cloud of dust and a burst of tears.  I used to save everything.  Not to the extent my parents did, but close.  And then once in awhile, about every 18 months, I’d go through a cycle of manic cleaning and getting rid of everything.  Wiping the slate clean.  Full and utter starting over.
And the starting over I did recently was the start over to end all start overs.  I don’t ever want to do it again.  I don’t ever want to get rid of my stuff again.  It’s my stuff, and I want to keep it.
But now that I can see the forest I’ve cleared after getting rid of the trees. . .
I have no right to judge.  Of course, everyone does, and I used to pride myself on being more understanding about people’s foibles, quirks, idiosyncrasies and what-have-you.  My feeling was that. . . .knowing how *I* was, everyone else is certainly better than I.
We judge and view people through our own personal lens.  It’s not prejudice, it’s human nature.  We have to have a basis to start from.
Having gone through what I have gone through (liquidating my assets) I view other people through that microscope:  I got rid of everything, you should also.
I "simplified" my life, so should you.  I got rid of material possessions, and therefore you should also.  I have a good woman with the patience and good nature to clean up after me because I am an oblivious slob, and that’s what you should get also.
The entire point I was trying to make in the writing of my trip was the spectrum of human experience that I saw; each was different, each was valid, each was unique.  Each served the purpose of the person having it.
Most often, we also judge things that remind us of ourselves more harshly.  In Judy, My beloved’s best friend, I perhaps saw too much of myself, and didn’t like it.
I do see in her much of myself.  She has an easy going nature, I can tell.  Of course, I may be the champion in that arena.  But I’m not competitive.  She has a relationship that she’s not exactly happy with that she suffers through.  I wish her the best with that.  It took me a long time, and I am not giving ANYONE relationship advice.
She has a Finnish ancestry–I’m right there with her.  She is a little sensitive; of course she has every right to be.  I am as well.  I have a much thinner skin than I let on.  The calluses have built up in certain places.  But, while thicker, it’s more fragile there.  But it’s good, since I’m not smart enough to recognize a mistake when I’m making it, at least I can understand the hurt I cause after the fact.

Judy, I am so, so sorry.  I really am.  I write alot, and alot of what I write is crap.  I don’t even mean everything I write–sometimes it just comes out.  You should see some of my crap BEFORE it gets edited.  Lordy.
It’s a helluva way to find out someone actually reads my blog.  Sorry.


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