Ten Things I Hate About YouDecember 19, 2007 at 5:10 PM | Posted in Personal | 1 Comment
"If you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice–"
By resolving not to make any resolutions, you have still made one. You have defiantly decided not to change, no matter what conventional wisdom (and everyone who knows you) says.
And conventional wisdom says that, by and large, you are an ignorant, pathetic, wretched creature in dire need of a complete makeover, from the clothes you wear to the people you hang out with, to the dirty disgusting little habits you have, not to mention your disturbing personality.
Change is good. Change is necessary. Change is growth. Change is what gets you candy from the machine, both in a literal and a figurative sense.
As for myself, I’ve been through so much change in the last two years that I hardly recognize myself. Not physically; sadly, that hasn’t changed much. I mean on the inside: when I pull my soul out through my belly button, shake the lint off of it, and look at it. It’s an identity crisis of sorts. I thought I knew who I was. Turns out, that’s not me after all. So who am I? Or, who do I want to be? I figure I should start with your standard resolutions, as a starting point. These are things I want to be, or want to do, or want to be able to say, "yeah, that’s me."
So. . .this is who I want to be.
1. I want to be a better father.
I swear to God I don’t know how to do this. Despite Kim’s attempts to abate the noise in my head, I know what the truth is. I have been a shitty father. Even when I was with my ex and my kids, I wasn’t that great. Absentee in residence, I suppose. I love my kids, I do. Am I that selfish, or easily distracted, or do I have skewed sense of priority? What is important? Reminding myself that other fathers have been worse. . .is just rationalization.
The BTK Killer was a good father.
I need to communicate with them more. Talk to them, email them. Be with them. I don’t know HOW, I just know that I DO. I need to be more involved with their lives.
I need them to love me again.
And before, this resolution wasn’t even first on the list.
2. This all has to do with my creativity. I need to be more creative? No, not exactly. I need to…I need to use it. Be creative. Create. Use my talent. Work it. Work at it, work on it. Do it. Live it, breathe it. Don’t read. Write. Don’t surf the net, create a website. Sweat it out. Draw again. Focus. Finish a story. Here:
Finish a manuscript. It may need to be edited. In fact, count on it. But finish one, and start to shop it around.
Post my cartoon somewhere, for the hell of it. My other artwork, too.
Go on stage often, work my material. Try to get a 20 minute set together. Try to get some live recordings of myself.
Oh, and network. And the Radio Thing.
So here’s the list of things I can do: stand up; write novels, write short stories, write essays (articles), write songs and poems; draw comics?; uh. . .anything else? Screenplays? Scripts? Haiku?
3. Get my money and bills and shit together. Get caught up, get paid up, get shit taken care of. Get taxes paid on the house. Get some money saved up. Do what it takes. Set aside some time for dealing with money.
4. Fix the house and the cars. I believe this is self-explanatory.
5. Take care of stuff in Dad’s garage. In fact, take care of all of dad’s stuff. The Probate, and whathaveyou.
6. Ah, my health. What to do, what to do. Just start walking. Eat less. Ease up on the soda. Drink the diet lemonade. Am I going to stop smoking? That’s a good question. Next?
And you know what? Take the recorder with, or whatever when I walk. But as I walk, think and create. Use it to focus. Maybe soon I’ll get to the point where I can start Karate-ing again. Take a multi vitamin.
7. I want to be a better friend. A better boyfriend/fiance, lover, a better friend, a better…a better dog owner, cat owner. Brother. Family member. Nephew, cousin, neighbor. Grampa. I want to be better to the people who know me. This involves not being so wrapped up in myself.
I know I’m perfect, but there is still room for improvement.
8. I guess I’m more perfect than I thought, because I can only think of seven things. . .
THE SHORT LIST:
1. Be A BETTER FATHER
2. UNLEASH THE CREATIVE SPIRIT–be ambitious!
3. GET FINANCIAL SHIT TOGETHER
4. FIX THE HOUSE AND CARS
5. DAD’S PROBATE AND STUFF
6. GET 1UP ON HEALTH
7. BE A BETTER FRIEND