100 Unrealistic Ideas About the World

January 12, 2008 at 1:17 PM | Posted in Notes on Society | 1 Comment

Oh. Lord.  World Peace.  There’s a great idea.  Of course, the problem with world peace is that there are people in the world.  It’s not going to happen.  Here are some things you can do to be a flower child of the new millennia.  Good luck with that.  I got this list of brilliant ideas from


I’m sure they mean well.  But I live in the real world.

  • Be generous with your smiles.  But brush your teeth first.
  • Be kind.  What kind?
  • Respect the Earth.  Good idea.  After you fuck it, tell it you still respect it.
  • Walk in a forest.  Watch out for bears.
  • Plant a tree.  So you have something to live in when you’re homeless.
  • Contemplate a mountain.  Yeah.  Think about a mountain.  Imagine a mole hill, then make it grow.
  • Protect the Earth.  Hire it a body guard.
  • Live simply.  Being homeless is a good start.
  • Help feed the hungry. I’m hungry.  Buy me a cheeseburger.
  • Erase a border in your mind.  And while you’re at it, try bending a spoon with your mind too.
  • Teach peace to children. Teach them that letting themselves get walked on is very peaceful.
  • Read Chief Seattle’s Letter to the PresidentBecause a disgruntled Indian a hundred years ago is relevant in today’s world.
  • Be honest. Honestly–this is a recipe to get your retarded ass kicked.
  • Demand honesty from your government.  Because they will tell you everything.
  • Think about consequences.   Like the consequences of trying to get honesty from your government.
  • Commit yourself to nonviolence.  Because no one will take advantage of that.
  • Support nonviolent solutions to global problems.  If there were any.  But there aren’t.
  • Speak up for a healthy planet.  Get it a regular check up.
  • Demand reductions in military expenditures.  Because no one will take advantage of that, either.
  • Be fair.  But this is pretty subjective.  Fair to you isn’t fair to everyone else, is it?  Is that fair?
  • Pledge allegiance to the Earth and to its varied life forms.  And to the republic for which it stands. . . .
  • Think for yourself.  Even though you have to be told to do this by a nitwit socialist professor.
  • Ask questions. Why?
  • Recognize your unique potential.  Because you are unique.  Just like everyone else.
  • Join an organization working for peace.  Like the US Marines.
  • Be less materialistic.  And give me all of your stuff.
  • Be more loving.  There’s a fine line between "being more loving," and being a pervert.
  • Empower others to work for peace.  Offer up other empty platitudes and phrases to add meaning to your life.
  • Oppose all weapons of mass destruction.  And kill people if they disagree with you.
  • Support equality. More for some than for others.
  • Speak out for a nuclear weapons-free world. Because logically, everyone in the world thinks like you do and will willingly give up any tactical advantage and trust other countries to do the same.  No, really.
  • Support a Department of Peace.  And make Kumbaya the national anthem.
  • Listen to your heart. It’s telling you to dance.
  • Help the poor.  Give me a dollar.
  • Fight against militarism. Because you don’t understand how the world works, things like the military are a bad idea.  Who needs protection when everyone loves everyone and we all live in peace and harmony?
  • Study the lives of peace heroes.  And write a report.
  • Help create a community peace park or garden.  And grow pot hydroponically.
  • Commemorate the International Day of Peace.  Because I want another paid holiday.
  • Help strengthen the United Nations.  Because this corrupt organization is the answer to all the world’s problems.
  • Support the International Criminal Court.  Because that puts us one step closer to a One world government and New World Order.  And we in this country should be judged by the standards of 3rd world backwater countries with little regard for human life and a hatred of the US.
  • Read the Universal Declaration of Human Rights. And see how even though the US is dragged through the mud with this, more than half the countries of the world are extreme violators.
  • Advance the rights of future generations. But do it without a military.  Be short-sighted.
  • Be a voice for the voiceless.   And write other bumper stickers.
  • Join an action alert network.  So you can be ready with herbal tea and birkenstocks to help further the cause.
  • Be forgiving.  Unless someone disagrees with you, right?
  • Laugh more.   Because this shit is funny.
  • Play with a child.  Good advice, Michael Jackson.
  • Support education and the arts over weapons.   Give more money to the schools to piss away and indoctrinate the children.  Support starving artists.  If an artist can’t support himself on his art, he doesn’t need to get a job.  His art isn’t crappy.  It’s just misunderstood, and we are stupid.
  • Help educate the next generation to be compassionate.  We can’t teach them to read or write.. .let’s teach them to be pussies.
  • Take personal responsibility for creating a better world.  Because it’s all my fault.  I suffer from the white man liberal guilt.
  • Sing. Sing a song.  Sing out Loud.  Sing out strong.  Do kareoke.
  • Write a poem.   What the world needs is more hack poets.  Put it to music and strum it on a guitar in public.  It will get you laid.
  • Organize a church service on the theme of peace.  Better yet, start your own cult.
  • Learn about another culture.  Or maybe learn about your own.
  • Help someone.  But be vague about it.  Don’t go out of your way.
  • Support the UN Children’s Fund (UNICEF).   Because corrupt organizations like the UN need more money.
  • Oppose the arms trade.  Talk about peace but don’t help others try to achieve it.
  • Clear your mind. It should be practically empty by now anyway.. . .
  • Breathe deeply.  Hold it.  let it out slowly and try not to cough.  Don’t bogart that joint.
  • Sip tea.   Don’t chug it.  And make sure you hold out your pinky.
  • Express your views on peace to government officials.  Because they love hearing from uninformed hippies wearing hemp.
  • Fight for the environment.  But I thought you said we should be nonviolent?
  • Celebrate Earth Day.  Take the day off work.
  • Think like an astronaut, recognizing that we have only one Earth.  But realize that you’ll never be as smart.
  • Be constructive.  But in an earth-friendly way.  I don’t think I can.
  • Let someone else go first.  Take sloppy seconds.
  • Plant seeds of peace.  Hide them in your pot garden.
  • Work in a garden.   Your pot garden.
  • Change a potential enemy into a friend.  What about a real enemy?  Have any of those?  No?  Because you love peace?  How about all the people you’ve pissed off with your annoying attitude?
  • Be positiveAre you sure?
  • Share.  Give me that.
  • Be a good neighbor.  State Farm is there.
  • Send a note of appreciation.  Thank you.
  • Tell your friends how much they matter.   Do it when you’re drinking so it’s less awkward.
  • Say "I love you" more.   Okay.  "I love you more."  Satisfied?
  • Don’t tolerate prejudice. Especially from those fucking Dutch.
  • Demand more from your elected officials.  But be vague, so you can cross it off your list.
  • Walk by the ocean, a river, or a lake. Hopefully someone will push you in.
  • Recognize that all humans have the right to peace.  If you give up that right, anything you say can and will be held against you.
  • Respect the dignity of each person.  Whether they deserve it or not.
  • Be a leader in the struggle for human decency. Does that mean picket porn shops?
  • Be a friend. But not to me.  You really bug me.
  • Send sunflowers to world leaders, and call for a world free of nuclear weapons.  Because this will just waste everyone’s time and energy, and probably get you on a terrorist watch list.
  • Oppose technologies that harm the environment. Live in a cave, wipe your ass with leaves, and eat bugs.
  • Lose an argument to a loved one.  Easy to do if you’re a man.  Can a woman do this?
  • Value diversity.  Because it’s all pink on the inside.
  • Walk softly on the Earth.  Because the Indians can hear you.
  • Appreciate the power of the sun.  Wear sunblock.
  • Speak out for global disarmament. Eventually, if enough people hear you, someone will be smart enough to shoot you in the head.
  • Support a democratic order.  Because even morons should have a voice in how things are run.
  • Teach non-violence by example.  And if they don’t listen, beat the crap out of them.
  • Remember that "No man is an Island."   But if you tie enough of them together, you can make a raft.
  • Spend time in nature.  But you’ll lose your cell signal.
  • Boycott war toys.   Because children shouldn’t have fun.
  • Be thankful for the miracle of life.  But you’re probably pro-abortion, right?
  • Seek harmony with nature.  Take a shit in the woods.
  • Remind your leaders that peace matters.  They will respect you enough to wait until you are gone to laugh behind your back.
  • Oppose violence in television programming for children.   Fight for it, if you have to.
  • Listen to Beethoven’s Ode to Joy. On your ipod.  No one wants to hear that shit.
  • Celebrate peace.   Have a wild party that ends in a big bar fight.

1 Comment »

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  1. lol…now that made me laugh…and smile…
    *~*   :o) if you don’t have a smile to give today…  :o) I will give you one of mine…  :o)   *~*

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