Hip And Trendy. Yo.

January 12, 2008 at 11:58 AM | Posted in Uncategorized | 2 Comments

  I just got back from getting my hair cut.  Can you tell which one?

  I go to the barber college.  I think I’ve been going there for ten or fifteen years now.  My dad turned me on to the place; it’s cheap.  Plus, for an old retired guy, it’s even cheaper.  Now I go out of habit, plus logic:  I don’t have a full head of hair anymore, so why in the world should I pay full price?  I mean, if the going rate for a haircut with boobs in your face is 12 to 15 bucks, then it stands to reason that 7 bucks is about right for a middle-aged balding guy to get a hair cut from a gay man.

  He was a nice young guy, I didn’t catch his name.  I think that’s all right because I don’t think we’re going out.  He’s not my type; I like my men more feminine.  You know, less facial hair, less penis.  More breasts.  He probably did have nice legs, though.

  There is always the thing in the barbershop about striking up a conversation.  Sometimes, quite frankly, I don’t say a word.  I get lost in the moment, truly reveling in the experience of having a clumsy student awkwardly cut my hair and my skin.  But this time, it was easy.  He stopped for a moment to plug his cell phone in, remarked about the trouble he’s had with the battery, et cetera.  He has insurance on the phone for 7 bucks a month, but the battery isn’t covered.  Sixty for a battery.  If they replace the phone, he still has to pay a fifty dollar deductible.  But this isn’t a covered reason.

  I said, "So what you need to do is, find out what reasons are covered, and let that happen to your phone.  For fifty bucks, get a new one.  Use their system to your benefit."  The long and short of it was, he seemed dubious of trying to "cheat" the multi-billion dollar cell phone company that never cuts anyone slack and measures profits in cubic feet of cash.  It was very sweet. . .and annoying.  I guess I’m more jaded than I thought.  I used to be like him.  I was once a young gay man who was trusting and naive and believed in the inherent goodness of all mankind.

  Twenty years later–married, divorced, half a dozen jobs under my belt, and hetero–I have a more cynical outlook.  It’s more pragmatic, I suppose.  I know that they (the other guy, business, corporate America, what-have-you) are not looking out for me, even when their perfectly polished, focus-group adjusted and demographically diverse marketing tells me in earnest that they really do care.  No, Virginia, there really is not a Santa Claus.

  Here and there, you will find pockets or groups that do care.  Even people that do care are often bound by a company policy that doesn’t allow them to act on it.  It’s almost like–and I’ve seen this, and I’ve done this–to give good customer service you have to break the rules.  Of course, I’m the last person to be talking about giving good customer service because I’m an incredibly rude prick to people.  It’s more of a niche market, I think.

  Having said all of that, I’m going to try to tie this together with what I originally wanted to talk about.  I was thinking about the hip and the trendy.  The good, the bad and the ugly?  How about the hip, the tragic, and the trendy?  I remember going places and doing things back in the old days when I was single that were hip and trendy.  I kind of… .miss that.  From my previous post about belonging to a group, I think that’s part of it.  But I do belong to a group, of sorts. This ragtag group of roughly two dozen up-and-coming amateur comics–I belong to them.  Kinda.  I felt like an outsider and at first I thought it was me.  As it turns out comics in general have a variety of disorders that inhibit normal socializing.  It’s not just the sociopaths, but the introverts, the egomaniacs, and the ones who think they have closeted OCD.  It’s not; it’s obvious to everyone.

  I realized though, when I got my haircut–looking around the room for some great observation to make to blog about–that my life is alot more hipper and much more trendier and not nearly as tragic as I thought.  I do have a lot of hip and trendy things going on in my world.  It’s more of an attitude.  The old guys that gather at McDonalds–that’s their hip and trendy.  My group of miscreant comic associates?  About as hip and trendy as you can get.  Middle-aged, divorced, living with a girlfriend?  I’m so fucking hip I can barely see my pelvis, brotha!  In my day job, I work at a small bank owned by gay man–that’s hip.

  Or it used to be.  We’ve become corporate of late.  Plus the market makes me fear losing my job.  Unemployment is still hip, right?  My other job is at a small restaurant that delivers.  Not a chain; we’re independent.  That’s hip.  Yes I did recently start working a third job at a chain, but I haven’t actually started yet, so it doesn’t count.  From what I understand, denial is pretty hip.  I’m writing, too.  Isn’t that hip?  My girlfriend is writing, that makes her hip.  I am hip, I swear I am.  Even though I shaved my goatee accidentally. . .

  So that’s the sixty-four dollar question:  Can I still be hip without a goatee, or should I grow it back?



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  1. GROW THE GOATEE BACK!!!please, please, please!!!love you

  2. lol..i am sure in a few months you will have that hip goatee back…
    *~*   :o) if you don’t have a smile to give today…  :o) I will give you one of mine…  :o)   *~*

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