The Tooth Very

May 21, 2008 at 4:49 PM | Posted in Journal | Leave a comment
  Two weeks ago I’m eating something crunchy–a stale marshmallow, I think–and I lost a filling.  I figured "I’d get to it."  For the next two weeks I had a constant headache in the back of my head that was completely unrelated to the broken tooth.
  I talked funny for a while, too, until I got used to it.  But I finally made an appointment with the dentist.  I called on a Friday, and of course they aren’t in on Friday.  Ever.  I called last Monday and made an appointment for the following Monday.  Beforehand I had checked to make sure the dentists there took my dental insurance.  I was ‘in-network,’ Baby!
  Since it had been four years, I had to fill out some new forms.  By the way, this is something all of you need to know:  On all forms in doctors’ offices, they ask for your social security number.  In fact, they asked for it by my count about four times.  Leave it blank.  You don’t have to provide it.  Your giving them all other info, including off your insurance card.  They don’t need your social, not at all.  If they make a stink, you make a bigger stink.  Threaten to call the BBB, Homeland Security, the attorney General’s Office, and your local news station.  If they don’t back down, go elsewhere.  I’m not fucking kidding here.
  They didn’t hassle me about not filling it in, so I didn’t have to kill anyone.  Yet. 
  Kelly was my designated assistant.  She was very nice.  We talked and kidded around while she took my X-Ray and moved me to the other room.  One dentist–picture the housekeeper on "Two and a Half Men"–came in and stuck her fingers in my mouth.  I don’t think she was MY dentist, however, because she left and then a man came in.  Hell, for all I know she was just another patient.  I’m going to try that next time.  Just walk in to a random exam room and shove my hand in someone’s mouth.  I have big hands.
  I wonder if I can get away with that at a gynecologist’s office?  But they would wonder why I had my hand in their mouth, I think.
  The prognosis was that not only did I lose a filling, I lost some of the back of the tooth.  That would explain the jagged edge I kept running my tongue over.  Instead of replacing just the filling, they wanted to do a crown buildup and a then a crown.
  My admittedly limited experience with crowns has been that they don’t last.  They are simply an expensive way to delay the inevitably necessary pulling of the tooth.
  But I could do the buildup now, and the crown later.  How much later?  When I fuckin feel like it, that’s when.  So they numbed my ass up–actually my face and my jaw– and the doctor got to work.  I felt like I was the very bottom of a boy-girl-boy threeway; both of them had their hands in my mouth.
  I get home and lay around, waiting for it to wear off.  Numb is fun, unless it’s on purpose.  Finally closer to seven or 8 pm it wore off.  Geez.  But here it is two days later, and I notice the daily back-off-the-head headache I was having I am no longer having.  I wonder if there is a correlation?
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