Dear Miss Manners

September 27, 2008 at 3:39 PM | Posted in Personal | Leave a comment
At the bank, we have a newsletter.  As per usual, I am on the committee.  The group decided they wanted to do something fun and entertaining, and someone came up with the idea of an advice column.  But there were no takers for the actual project.  Silently, I listened on the conference call while everyone hemmed and hawed.  Finally, I said, “Okay, I’ll do it.”  And under my breath I said, “But you won’t like it.”
They gave me some questions, and I went to work.  Here is the result.  I do expect them to edit…Do you have a question or a problem that you are too embarrassed to ask someone in person about?
We’re here to help.  Ask The General is a column devoted to selflessly serving our employees by answering their various quandaries.  No where else can you get this type of professional help for free–Just another of the many great benefits we offer!

Dear General,
My son wants to be Barack Obama for Halloween, but I’m a loyal Republican. How should I handle this?
Signed, Loyal GOP

Dear Glop,
If this is the biggest problem you have, you really are a Republican.  I recommend trying a spoonful of Get Over It.  Although, going
out as a liberal on Halloween is the best way to get handouts.

Dear General,
My family is hosting Thanksgiving at our house this year, and my sister wants to invite her in-laws.
What should we do?
Signed, Holiday Indecision Planning

Dear HIP,
You know, the holidays are about getting together with family and sharing the love, blah-blah-blah.
They may not be your family but they are hers.  And who doesn’t love in-laws?  Wouldn’t you enjoy watching them all simmer to a boil right in your own dining room?
It would have to be better than the parade.  But not better than football, obviously.  Go ahead and invite them.  And make them bring a dish.  And alcohol.
You’ll need it.  I’m not kidding.

Dear General,
My daughter and her boyfriend of 6 years are coming home for Christmas and staying at our house.
Should I let them share a room?
Signed, Did I Raise a Slut?

Dear Yes You Did,
I want to answer this as delicately as possible, but I seem to have wavering indecision like you.
Hmmm.  Should you let your daughter and her boyfriend share a room and have the loud, wild sex in your home that you haven’t had in a quarter of a century, securing your reputation as the cool MILF and her as the town slut, or should you show some backbone and
decency and earn your daughter’s respect by telling her no, she has to sneak around like everyone else?  What to do, what to do….

Finally, we have a letter from a visitor from out of town:

Dear General,
I’ve always wondered whether or not it’s acceptable to wear loafers without socks when wearing khakis. I’m going down south for spring
break this year and like to go barefoot during the summer.
Boston University

Hey Derrick,
Seriously Derrick?  A fashion question?  Get a life.  Here is my only fashion rule:  don’t wear socks with sandals, or I will personally hunt you down.  Have a safe trip.

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