Thank You For Being A Friend

December 24, 2008 at 6:04 PM | Posted in Journal | Leave a comment
  Twas the day before Christmas Eve…
  So I was sitting here at work, and of all things to do, I was working.  I had just resolved a problem with IT–Outlook stopped working–and I was trying to get back on the program I use to do all of my work.  It would open, but slowly, and I could not log on.  I was about to call IT back, when I took off my headphones and noticed that others could not get on their various network programs either.
  Okay, so it’s not just me.  Erica, my boss, calls IT.
  "–Cough, cough!  Hack.  IT help desk, this is Rich."
  "Hi Rich, this is Erica.  We’re having a problem connecting to Citrix and–what was that noise?"
  "That?  That was a server rack falling over.  You see, when heat stresses metal, it loses some of it’s tensile strength–cough.  Excuse me."
  "Heat from what?
  "Silly girl.  Heat is the most obvious by-product of combustion.  That and light.  The earliest cavemen knew the importance of fire, and it was this simple discovery that–"
  "Fire?"
  "Yes, fire was much more important than the wheel.  The wheel was developed too early to be useful, akin to the technology for the fax machine that was developed over a hundred years ago.  Haha, the joke is on them because now, obviously, the fax has started to fall by–"
  "Did you have a fire?"
  "What?  Oh, yeah.  The building is on fire.  It started here in the server room.  The fire department wants us to leave, but I have a killer QUAKE session going on right–oh.  I just lost power.  I guess I’ll leave now."
  "When will we have the network again?
  "After they put the fire out, we’ll have to hose down the servers and reboot.  Then dig the back ups out of the rubble.  It might take a little while."

  So I left work early yesterday.  Without the network and all the data and programs I access, my computer is essentially a large rock with a pretty screensaver.  I came in today and the network is back up.  One of the emails I found was this one, from my friend The Dude.

—————————————————————————-

From: The Dude
To: Bryan
Sent: Tuesday, December 23, 2008 10:26 PM
Subject: dear dickhead pt. #978

ok then.
I called you at work, naturally you were too busy to respond by phone so I will ask you my important question:
Can a pc e-mail a mac user? and vice-versa? I have a neighbor with a mac and I can’t get thru.
please respond once you have a free moment in your cube.
duder.

—————————————————————————-

From: Bryan
To:  The Dude
Sent: Wednesday, December 24, 2008 8:41 AM
Subject: RE: dear dickhead pt. #978

Dear Technologically and Politically Retarded Friend,
 
No, of course you cannot email someone with a Mac if you have a PC.  This has been and is a sore point among Mac users.  Since 95% of the country (indeed, the world) use PC, this is not a problem for most people.  The technology exists to allow them to communicate, but because of various FCC regulations, plus the unwillingness of Bill Gates to compromise, this lies in purgatory.  All it would require is a simple adapter, like a filter, that the Mac user would plug his internet connection into, which would then connect to his or her router.  A similar device would allow PC users to communicate with Mac users, should they deign to do so.
Much of this has to do with the breakup of Bell into the Baby Bells in the 70s and 80s.  Most of the Bells support only PC through their systems.  Only one, in fact, supports Mac.  What they don’t tell you on the Mac commercials is that if you own a Mac and want to get on the internet, you have to move to Nebraska, which is where the only Mac-supporting network exists.

Sincerely,

Bryan
—————————————————————————-

The Big Boss, Chris, is walking around, talking to people, wishing them a Merry Christmas.  He has this thing about birthdays:  He remembers everyone’s birthday.
  "Bryan!"  His forehead wrinkles.  "Your birthday is in…January–"
  "February."
  "Right.  Early in February–"
  "Late."
  "Late in February.  I want to say the…the twenty…sixth."
  "Twentieth."
  "Right.  And that would make you a Libra."
  "Pisces.  Born on the cusp."
  "Exactly."  He looked around, smugly satisfied.  "So, I’m about twelve-for-twelve so far."

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