Paranoia Will Desroy Ya

June 16, 2009 at 2:01 AM | Posted in Journal | 1 Comment
  Just because I’m paranoid doesn’t mean they aren’t out to get me.  They are.  "They" are.  Who are they?  Why the fascist, socialist, commie-pinko fag junkie tree-hugging progressives who want me to pay for their healthcare, that’s who.
  It sounds like I’m kidding, but I’m not.  Just wait and see.
  Anyway-how, we got a ticket on my truck the other day.  Fred.  That’s the second ticket for him.  There he was, sitting in the driveway, minding his own business, and the city put a ticket on him.  Fred has expired license plates. 
  This is the second ticket about that.  A few weeks ago, he was parked in the street–a big mistake–and that’s when the cops noticed the plates was expired.
  But Bryan, you ask, why don’t you just get them renewed?
  For a couple of reasons.  First of all, I’m tired of being held down by The Man.
  But also, in the blessed State of Missoura vehicles are required to pass a safety inspection.  They just changed the rules on those–it used to be a single crack in a windshield was NBD.  Now, suddenly, I could die.  And of course I have a crack in my windshield.  If you recall, I had a crack in it before, and then I hit a deer.  The body shop replaced the windshield and called it part of the accident as a favor to me, but the God of window replacement knew better:  within a month, my windshield was cracked again.  There was a period of time when I had three cars in my driveway, and each one had a cracked windshield.  So don’t tell me there isn’t a God and that he’s not vindictive.
  Windshields be not cheap, therefore I reside in the land of SOL.  I can get an black market inspection–I know that knows a guy–but there are other problems as well.
  We also live in a metropolitan county, which requires a vehicle emissions test to save us all from global warming because we’re all gonna die.  While the check engine light isn’t on *anymore*, I have a feeling that it’s not because it miraculously healed itself.  The light was on for three years; most likely it burned out.  Plus ol’ Fred was running pretty bad.  He was getting about 10 miles per gallon and had no power.  I know I had fairly recently tuned up the mother-fucker, so it could only be a couple of different things:
  Either something wrong with the fuel injection system, or changing the oil every 25,000 miles finally caught up to me, and the engine is shot.  Either way, it’s going to cost me.
  What to do, what to do?
  That’s not the end of my vehicular paranoia.  The Mercedes, the "new" car–which is actually two years older than the truck but has about half the miles–is not legally licensed in the strictest sense of the word.  Once again, in the blessed State of Missoura, after you purchase a car you have to license it within…oh, let’s throw a completely arbitrary number out there, like 20 days.  Why not 19?  Why not 21, which is an even 3 weeks?  Why not 2 hours and 17 minutes?  Why not a year?
  Because it’s been a year since I bought it, and I still haven’t licensed it.  How do I get away with that?  By circumventing the law, that’s how.  You say flouting, I say circumventing.  I put the old license plates from Nigel (RIP) onto Der Kaiser.  As long as I don’t get pulled over like I have twice in the last three months, I’m golden.
  Each time, I got a ticket.  The second time, I got two tickets, and the cop acts like he’s doing me a favor for not arresting me.  Oh, yeah, I have an outstanding warrant in the city in which I live, for a ticket for excessive rubbish, a hold over from my blessed rentor that I had.  Two years ago, and I cleaned it up for her.  But what exactly is "excessive"?  Why, enough to get you a ticket, that’s how much.
  In addition, of course, I haven’t paid my personal property taxes.  For the last two years.  Need to do that, also, to get my vehicle licensed.  And of course, proof of insurance.  Luckily, I *DO* have insurance.  I’m not stupid, just reckless.
  Combine this with the stuff I just went through for the city housing inspections.  It says "Minimum housing inspection."  I say bullshit.  At minimum, they should look at it and say, "Yeah, at minimum, there is a house there."  But they actually inspect them, look for extra shit for me to fix and more money for me to spend.  If I don’t get them re-inspected in time, they send me notices threatening legal action.  They might even put me under house arrest.  Hahaha.  "House" arrest.  I kill me.
  With all of this, no wonder–

  I swear, the next young punk I see that claims to be an anarchist, I’m going to beat the living fuck out of him, and then dare him to call the cops.  Fucking hypocrite.  Some 20 year old college age fuckhead who has had to live under the coddling "oppression" of his parents gets thrust into the government-run higher education system and sees, for the first time in his life, the uselessness of administration and wants to rebel like he discovered it.  Fuck…you…
  Until you’ve lived as an adult for over 20 years paying taxes on your goddamn taxes and dealing with random enforcement of the law and being subject to people who want to do things "for your own good"–
  You have no IDEA what it is like to desire anarchy.  Rational people are actually libertarian, and I guess I’ve become one.  Live and let live, mind your own beeswax, get off my lawn.
  But we need a bit of anarchy now and then to get rid of the oppression.

  Instead of anarchy, I opted to clean out the garage so I could get the truck in there to hide for a few weeks while I figure out what to do.  Now that my sister is all legal in her house, we moved her stack of shit that was in my garage to her shed last night.  Three truck loads, plus a car load, not too bad.  We filled up her shed, and I took most of my shit out that I still had there, and brought it back. 
  The garage is coming along, or it will.  I have one side of the overhead storage done, and I intend to work on the other side this weekend.  All part of the plan:
  1) building the overhead storage will get that lumber out of the way
  2) putting the stuff up in it will clear much more room, that’s the purpose
  3) getting rid of my sister’s stuff, check
  4) a big stack of cardboard goes to the city’s recycling center, and no I’m not a hypocrite, I just want to get rid of it as easily as I can
  5) I still have a few wheelbarrows and other construction tools of my cousin’s that I want to get back to him this weekend
  6) and that will clear up most of the room in the garage, like I’ve been wanting for two years. 

  Now I have room for the truck.  

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  1. HOWDEE don\’t havea heart attack YEP I am visitin\’ ya! Wanted to see what was happenin in BRY\’s world. Looks like the cops are waiting on every corner for you. DISgusting!! I hate that inspeciton thing and I think they are trying to get that nation wide. GOOD LORD what the heck we gonna do with all the old clunkers then??? POOR FRED.. had a CHEVY I treated like a baby til it died and couldnot be revived, know what you mean! Hope the heat has not got you completely zapped. Look out 100 in ST LOUIS today. EEEGADS!! Take care : )

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