Quiz: How ADD Are You?

November 23, 2009 at 4:01 PM | Posted in Journal | Leave a comment
  I had my follow up with my psychiatrist.  It was really hard to tell, after the first couple of days, whether or not the meds were working.  I did a little self-test, a little evaluation, to help me line up my shit.  It was the same one I took before.  As I thought about each category, I did realize that I had less of this than I had had before.  So…okay, it was working.
  But not only that, I told him that I was scared the medication would change *me*–you know the inner-monologue me.  Other than the first two days when I was tripping, it really didn’t, so it was hard to tell if it was working.  But based on the grading, I was somewhat better.  He did give me a new script, with a higher dosage.  We started on the lowest, 30 mg.  We’re bumping up to 50.  The usual dose is 70.
  I agreed in principle with the increase, but I’m still leery.  It’s an amphetamine, for Chrissake.
  Maybe the change was too subtle.  I guess I thought that within a few weeks’ time I would have every project done, every paper organized and every plan finalized.  But part of the chaos in which I live in my brain, and the rest is out there, in the world.
  It makes me wonder, am I better off NOT being on any drugs?  I would synch up better with the world, no?
  I did feel a little more calm.  But still–there are rational reasons to have stress.
  I can’t help but feel that I would have a better way out of this, though, if I had paid better attention to something earlier.  There’s something I missed that I should have listened to or read but I didn’t because I couldn’t pay attention.  So now I’m going to try again, and pay attention, and see if there’s something I can learn.
  Man, what did the doctor say about the serotonin and the receptors and the blah-blah-blah?  Was that important?
  I haven’t exactly gotten back to writing, but I did notice that some things I wanted to remember and write down later I was actually able to do, instead of forgetting them.  These things were related to writing.  Also, I have finished this story for the contest, and fully expect to mail it soon.  Deadline is Dec 4th, so I’ll keep you posted.
  I’ve taught myself some tools for dealing with this, as the doc said.  What I want to do is teach myself some more, and practice some various habits, and get used to doing things a certain way, and then get off of the meds.  I don’t really want to be on this forever.  Like I said, it’s an amphetamine.
  And how do I know if the multivitamin I’m taking is doing anything?  My pee isn’t even green–
  I guess I need to set some goals and see if I can do them.  And then if I can’t, what held me back?  For instance, the construction is halted for lack of funds.  It’s not anything I’m trying to avoid.
  Ah, me.  I just–you know, right now I feel that same manic feeling I had when I first started taking the stuff.  It makes me wonder if anything I typed has made any sense.  I don’t want to be tripping, yo.
  That’s it.  I’m going to set some goals.  Is this different from making so many lists that I have a list of all the lists I’ve made?
  If a woodchuck could make lists, how many lists would a woodchuck make, if the woodchuck had ADD?

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