Good Thing, Too

December 7, 2009 at 3:23 PM | Posted in Journal | 2 Comments
  Hmmm.  Well, I see I haven’t posted in a while.  I’m not apologizing or making excuses, just making note of it.  I’m not sorry, so I certainly feel no remorse.
  I have been posting on my political blog–you should check it out:
  But that is for my thoughts and feelings about the external and the world around me.  This is for the world within.  Right now, not a lot going on…
  No, really, there is always alot going on.  Usually I’m in the middle of something, and unless it’s long and complicated I like to wait until it’s over to write about it.  Or sometimes, I get impatient.
  I’m taking the ADD medication.  Basically it’s–have I talked about this already?  (And you know, if the medication was working, not only would I know if I had talked about this, but I would also be less inclined to create a long and complex sentence with clauses within parentheses and dashes–wouldn’t you think?)–a stimulant, a time-released amphetamine.  I feel pretty high most of the time on it, and I really don’t know if that’s good or bad.
  I wonder if the medication is allowing me to focus and therefore that’s why I *haven’t* written on the blog?  I really don’t know.
  But I have been concentrating on the short story that I wanted to enter in the contest.  The deadline was Friday, the 4th.  I actually mailed it Nov 30th, plenty of time before the deadline.  I call that several kinds of victory over my ADD.
  I saw the doctor right before Thanksgiving, and he said I was making progress but he wanted to increase my dosage.  I really don’t think that’s a good idea.  Or maybe it is–Stimulants have the opposite effect on people like me, supposedly.  It should calm me down, make me focus.  Instead, I feel jittery.  But also calm.
  Jittery but calm.
  I still feel like I’m going a thousand miles an hour. 
  I haven’t filled the script yet for the higher dose.  I’m kinda scared, and I still have some of the first script left.  I will, though.  But watch me, watch me for changes.
  I am glad that it hasn’t changed me in my brain much, although that’s another sign that maybe it’s not working, because isn’t it supposed to?
  I don’t know if it’s the meds or the fear, but I am focused, at least, on the primary task at hand:  I need a new part time job.
  I have found some sites and information about life coaching for ADD.  Some help, some ideas, some ways to make behavior modification work for you with ADD.  Some tools.  I’ve been looking for these.  As my doctor said, you find ways to work around it–and I have.  That’s why it hasn’t completely debilitated me.
  Although I might like to consider it from this perspective, if you don’t mind:
  Here I am, a virtual genius.  Seriously, I’m a pretty smart fucker.  And creative, don’t forget that.  I could have been an electrical engineer, I could’ve designed and built robots and automated kitchens and flying cars.
  And I could’ve written the Great American Novel.  A couple of times.  Or, since that’s not my literary style, I could’ve written a ton of pulp fiction, and be a best-seller instead of being good.
  So in this regard, perhaps it did ruin my life.  Here I am, barely scraping by…
  Speaking of which–
  The Imo’s Pizza thing isn’t working out as well as I had hoped.  The bottom line is, I need more money.  I know what my nut is–this part sounds familiar–and I’m not making it. 
  I have looked into and applied at several different places–some couriers, the grocery store, another pizza place.  Nothing yet.  
  All I know is, I owe money half a dozen different ways, and if I don’t get something soon, we’re going to have a SITUATION.  What is my last resort?
  I could work for a courier–that’s my first choice, I think.  Some of them do evenings.  I could still work at Imo’s for instant cash.
  Other pizza/food delivery?  Papa John’s, Pizza Hut, Domino’s, Jimmy John’s, some other places.  I’d like to think Domino’s is my last resort.  I think the grocery store would be a nice place to work.  I loved cutting meat.
  This temp job doing data entry could be the last resort.  That, and telemarketing.

  How soon until I reach the last resort?  I feel I’m almost there.


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  1. Keep your chin up OGX. Things will line up as they are supposed to. I am glad to hear from you here. I am avoiding the political blog. I just don\’t like to read or talk about that stuff.

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