Chasing Squirrels

December 15, 2009 at 5:25 PM | Posted in Journal | Leave a comment
  What are the utes coming in to your house?  Gas, maybe, and electricity.  Sewer, water.  Telephone.  That enters the technology, so I split them up as utilities and technology.
    cell phones
  And I think I pay for a special service for aliens from the government to sneak into my house in the middle of the night and fuck me in the ass.  I’d just classify that as "other."

  Since I’ve got fired from Domino’s (And at first I was going to soften it up, or PC it a little bit, like say:  "Since I ‘lost’ my job, or since I became "under-employed."  But let’s go with the cold, hard truth), I’ve been needing more money–obviously.  I sure wasn’t working there because I liked it, or because I felt like I had a mission, or anything like that.  Of course, now I do feel like I have a mission:  A mission to pay my bills and keep my house and survive the coming Obamageddon. 
  I’ve had to pick and choose which bills to pay, and the stack has an ominous look to it.  Kind of like the school-yard bully, actually.  This morning, after stealing my lunch out of my locker and knocking my books out of my hand, the bully taped a kick-me sign to my back.
  The note said that the Internet was not working, and looked like a billing-related issue.  Well, no shit it’s "a billing-related issue."  What the fuck else would it be? 
  Late this morning at work, Alex calls me.  We have no water.  I weighed the two on my scale of relative worth:  water was important, but the Internet, is, you know…the Internet.  What tipped the scale back in water’s favor is that I knew I didn’t owe nearly as much to the water company.  I had him find a bill and give me the phone and account number.
  As it turned out, they didn’t shut it off because of non-payment.  They shut it off because it was in my sister’s name, and she was now transferring the service to her new house.  Well, good for her.  In fact, she may have mentioned it to me.  She may have mentioned I need to call the water company and switch service as well.
  Did I mention that I’ve been busy?  While I haven’t been working-two-jobs kind of busy, I have been stressed-out-and-looking-for-another-job kind of busy.  So the water company just shows up and shuts my water off.  I need to set up a new account.  Here’s your new account number.  Terrific.
  "Will someone be home on Monday when we come to turn the water back on?"
  Fuck me gently with a chain saw.
  It’s all my fault and none of theirs.  That’s their story, and you know the rest.  I tried a number of irrational tacks–which normally should work, this being a utility customer service center.  They thrive on the irrational.
  But one woman who talked down to me explained that they had no responsibility in this, and that it was my fault because I was living there for some time with no water service.
  When I called back, I explained the situation with the switched houses (true) and that most of the utes had been switched but we forgot about the water (also true) and that I had been paying the bill at my previous residence so I wasn’t the deadbeat she was trying to make me out to be (mostly true).
  The girls here in the office heard me talking to the water company, and so they knew the situation.  In the aftermath, I’m willing to concede a few points.  Here they are:
  Maybe they aren’t necessarily obligated to let me–a resident in a home that has water–that they are going to turn my water off even though it has nothing to do with non payment.  However, it certainly would be *polite.* 
  Okay, that’s about the only point I’m willing to concede.  That’s half the argument.  The other half is this:  Once I have resolved the situation–before noon, even–they should be able to free someone up from their busy goddamn schedule that in the area, and take ten minutes and swing by and turn the fucking knob and let me have some water.
  Their "policy" is that they don’t do same day service.  I’m sure this for people who wait until their water is shut off before they go and pay their bill, and then expect it to be turned on right away–they do this to punish them.  Utilities are notoriously passive-aggressive.
  However, this is not one of those cases.  They treat everyone across the board with contempt?  While I can respect that sentiment, there should ALWAYS be a special circumstance, an exclusion, a way for them to work something out.  There is no legitimate reason for them to be this rigid–this isn’t a government office.
  Twice I was offered by recording to answer a brief survey on my customer service experience and both times at the end of the call I was Rick-rolled.  No survey, just dead air.

  Shit.  I just realized I don’t have the Internet so I can’t post this.


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