That Movie Where The Guy Makes Your Head Explode With His Mind

February 12, 2010 at 10:02 PM | Posted in The Corporate World | Leave a comment
  Meanwhile, back at the day job…

  Round about the beginning of January, Barb came to me from the title company about a problem with my scanning.  It seems that the image was funky.  It’s hard to explain how and boring if I did, so just take my word for it.  It went back to about two weeks earlier, before Christmas, when it started to get bad.
  I tried a few things to adjust or improve the image.  There are controls both on the scanner and software driven.  I talked to Josh, and he tried…everything I had already done.  I talked to Erica, my boss, about calling GFI, the company that does our support.  I had to talk to her first because my scanner is one of the old Panasonics, and they are no longer covered by our service agreement. 
  Everyone else had newer scanners.  Joe, who scans all day, has a newer Ricoh.  Shipping has two Ricohs, which is more than enough for the four of them that use them.  But I’ve been here longer than all of them.  All I do is scan, and I have, essentially, the 86 Lebaron of scanners.
  Brian from GFI came out…a total of three times, I think.  He didn’t charge us for any of those times.  What we were going to do is take parts from one of the spare Panasonics and fix mine.  We have three Panasonics in storage to get parts from, as each one gave up the ghost but we were just to sentimental about them to get rid of them.  The Panasonics are so old–about 8 years old, I think–that no one supports them any more and there are definitely no more parts for them.
  I had to work this several different ways, and see where a solution was going to come from.  I needed a new scanner. I talked to Erica, who talked to Chris, her boss.  I talked to IT, and to Brian.  Brian wanted our IT department to fix it, and IT said, "We dunno."  So I managed to get Brian back in here to work on it–twice–before we admitted we were beating a dead horse.
  According to the tests, the scanner was fine.  It didn’t know it was doing anything wrong.  If it doesn’t know, it won’t know which part is bad.  Is it the lens, the camera, the CCD, or some other board?  It seems likely that it’s a board, and the boards are what burns out on these and the boards are what are gone from the spare scanners.
  Meanwhile, IT was looking at getting another scanner, but when they found out we were trying to fix this one, they stopped looking.  They’re expensive, and I’m just not worth it.  One of these things new costs about five grand.
  When we got the final word that mine was beyond repair, we had to begin again to look for one.  Craigslist was mentioned, and eBay.  I wondered what one went for on the black market.  Doug from IT did get me a temporary fix, though.  He increased the resolution of the scan, and that improved the image.   However–
  It slowed the scanner down–a lot–affecting my production.  And, the increased resolution meant that the image file was bigger, taking up more precious space on their servers.  They intend for this to be a temporary fix.
  Two weeks later…

  Two weeks later, I’m still using my old crappy scanner.  What happened to the new one?  I heard a variety of things, in passing, and I think I managed to put the story together.
  Panasonic is no longer in the scanner business.  Ricoh is getting out of it as well.  Fujitsu is in it now, though.  As much of a hassle as it is, it makes me wonder–are scanners the peripheral equivalent of the bipolar hot chick?  You think you want to be with her, but it just turns out to be too much of a hassle.  You dump her and go to counseling.  Meanwhile, your buddy heard all about the wild good times you had, and happens to be at the right place at the right time to "console" her.
  And then it happens to him.
  In the meantime, The people who make decisions finally conceded that, indeed, a decision needs to me made.  Word was out that GFI had a used scanner for sale.  Because nothing is too good for me, they placed a bid, I think.
  I didn’t hear anything until my scanner was declared unfixable.  Doug in IT said, "That scanner that we were going to get for you someone else bought.  But they don’t like it so they’re returning it.  We’ll be able to get it for you."
  Awesome.  Nothing says love like electronic sloppy seconds.  Or thirds, even, because it was used in the first place.  So, a few days later, it finally arrives.  In the meantime, this other guy named Brian was going to scan some stuff for me because I had gotten so behind because I was limping along with a shitty scanner.  he was using one of the shipping scanners whenever the shippers weren’t.  But–they had a great idea.  How about giving Brian MY old shitty scanner?  Awesome idea.  Just terrific.  Really.
  Luckily, Brian quit and didn’t come in Monday to find the scanner at his desk.
  But now I have a scanner–a decent one–and I can (theoretically) get some work done.

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