One Fine Morning At The Bank

September 15, 2010 at 11:21 PM | Posted in Journal, The Corporate World | Leave a comment

The man is walking around the office with a sense of both urgency and self-importance. Obviously, he’s a Loan Officer. They are the Gods. The Rain-Makers. The ones upon whom Our Existence is dependent.
Which came first, the chicken or the egg? Does a Loan Officer become self-involved, narcissistic, and egocentric after a period of time in the job, or do you have to be that way to begin with to even want the job?
Nonetheless, all of them are like that, to some degree. Really, all they are is super-salesmen. But man, do they pull down some cash. And the business they bring in gives all of jobs, so–
Back to the guy. I sit right next to the consumer loan department. It was early in the morning–before eight am. I show up early so I can leave early, and also to minimized my contact with–well, people like him. The consumer department works fairly closely with the mortgage department–customers get home equity loans tacked on to their mortgage, and so forth–so they have to deal with the loan officers. It wasn’t eight am yet, and no one was in the consumer department yet, and this guy was dancing like he had to pee.
Out of desperation, he comes to me, the Peon of Last Resort. He says to me, “No one is here yet in consumer. Do you know of anyone else that can help me?”
He’s talking to the wrong asshole. “Hmmm. Ginny, maybe?”
“No, she sent me over here.” That was smart. Who can I pass him off to? Finally he gets what–for him–passes as a bright idea. As he sets a packet on someone’s desk and writes a note, he tells me, “Whoever comes in first in this department, have them come and get me. I have a meeting about to start. But tell them to go ahead and interrupt me, and come and get me as soon as they get here. I have a meeting in my office at 8 o’clock, but this is important.”
I said, “No problem.” Except one, and I paused. I mean, I had a guess, but I wanted to make sure. Quite innocently I asked him asked, “And you are…?”
He looked at me in disbelief for a moment–surely I knew. Was I joking? He’s the King of the World! He’s the fucking James Cameron of our office. I just looked at him. He said, “Brad,” and I nodded my acknowledgment, and repeated his name to myself to help me remember it. He slunk away, disheartened. Nothing puts a turd in someone’s cereal bowl like some peon not knowing who they are when EVERYONE is supposed to know who they are.
Maybe…maybe I knew, and maybe I didn’t. But now that the story is getting around, it’s best if I maintain my ignorance. For all practical purposes, I couldn’t pick any one of the them out of a line-up. Too bad they all know who I am.

Leave a Comment »

RSS feed for comments on this post. TrackBack URI

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Create a free website or blog at
Entries and comments feeds.

%d bloggers like this: