Waitress In the Sky

January 7, 2012 at 11:49 PM | Posted in Fiction | 4 Comments
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Chuck’s Challenge this week was to spin the random wheel on whatever music we listen to, and the first song that comes up, use that as the title. Five hundred words. No other restrictions.
I was glad that a song by Paul Westerberg came up. I would have taken any song of his, any at all, just so I could tell you people that if you haven’t heard of him or haven’t heard him, give it a listen. He was quirky before Zooey Deschanel, and influential to a host of artists, including Kurt Cobain. (The album “Nevermind” is named after a song Westerberg wrote. No lie.) I had never heard of him before 2006, but based on a poorly recorded version of one his songs (“Attitude”) I drove 100 miles with a friend to see him. I was completely unfamiliar with all of his music, and it was one of the best concerts I had ever been to. There’s more to Milwaukee than just Prince.
To see more musical mayhem and fiction, two-step on over here:
Chuck Wendig’s Flash Fiction Challenge: Song Shuffle Stories

The plane was falling from the sky.

The pilot and copilot were nervous, but professional.  They were trying to find a place to put down.

The passengers’ emotions ran the full gamut from fear to scared-shitless.  Two of the three flight attendants were scared but trying to remain calm for the passengers.

The third flight attendant, Diane, was angry as hell.

“Lynn, help me please!”  Kyle was struggling with a hysterical passenger that had sucked him into an awkward wrestling match over the seat belt.

Diane was right there.  Mr. Arnold had looked up expectantly when Diane appeared, because this fluffy effeminate flight attendant did not understand his deep need to go to the bathroom and change his underwear that he had peed in.

Diane grabbed him forcefully, by the face.  She leaned in and whispered harshly to him, “I will rip your face off and eat it if you don’t sit still and be quiet immediately!”

Diane went to the front and grabbed the microphone.  “Listen up, bitches.  We are going to land and we will be okay.  It’s going to be bumpy.  It’s going to be a lot worse if every one of you doesn’t sit still and be quiet!  You aren’t helping.  Shut the fuck up, all of you!  Are there any questions?”

A woman timidly raised her hand.  Diane calmly put the mike down, went to her, and punched her in the face.  She went back to the mike.  “Any more questions?”

The flight attendants took their seats and strapped in.  Lynn pulled out her rosary.  Kyle nervously tapped his hands until he got a look from Diane, who was in mid-stew about her morning before getting on the plane.

While plane approached a small airstrip, she thought about how she came home to find Steve fucking another woman.  How he tried to apologize and blame her at the same time.  How he blamed her for being a glorified waitress in the sky, and was never home.

As they made their descent, she remembered how the other woman told him to shut up, and then helped Diane pack her bag because she couldn’t see or think straight.  How she wasn’t mad at her, because he had lied to her also.  As they skidded off the end of the too-short runway, she thought about how the woman gave her a ride to the airport.

When the emergency vehicles arrived Diane began to recall all the things that had seemed suspicious to her that she had just ignored, but which now her instincts told her she had been played.

The airline put them up in a hotel, of course, and the passengers and the crew were all fairly happy that the hotel was next to a bar.  Diane had a plan.

After she and Lynn got into their room, Diane said, “I’m going to get drunk and get laid tonight.  By the first asshole that hits on me.  I’ll show Steve who’s a goddamn waitress in the sky.”



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  1. I think I’m in love with Diane, what a great character. She’s just the person I’d want in a crisis.

  2. Loved the theme, loved sassy Diane, I wanna be the first asshole… Great story.

  3. Hee! Loved Diane — that’s some serious attitude!

    ‘Any questions?’


    I think we’ve all wanted to do that at some point 🙂

  4. Great story!
    I don’t know how such a scenario could play out well.
    You captured the anger perfectly.

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